


Love Through Sorrow

by samlapiana



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-22
Packaged: 2018-09-15 18:14:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 27,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9249824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samlapiana/pseuds/samlapiana
Summary: You've experienced so much loss in your life. You're just trying to make it through when someone from your past begins to haunt you. Enter the Winchesters: one tall and handsome, the other goofy and...also handsome...Your life is about to change drastically. Luckily, you've got the Winchesters to help you through it. Joining the hunter life isn't easy, especially when things don't go as planned.





	1. The Past Comes Calling

You awake shivering.

Why is it so cold in here?

You push off your covers, immediately missing the comforting warmth. You pad in your bare feet--eyes half-closed--down the hall to the thermostat. You see that it is indeed set at the normal 68 degrees. You return to your room and it's then that you get the feeling you're not alone.

_Oh, not again..._

You knew if you turned around she would be there. This wasn't the first time you had seen her. Every time was like a dagger to your heart, opening wounds that were just beginning to heal.

_Evelyn._

You turn and see her cold eyes looking back at you. They weren't the vibrant blue that they once were. They were a dull gray, her eyes sunken and face ashen.

In the other times you had seen her, you tried to convince yourself you were just overtired. You had been working a lot lately, trying to make up for the rent you had once shared with your sister. Evelyn and you had shared a small apartment--just big enough for you to each have your own room, but still be able to afford it. Evelyn was in nursing school, working her way through it with a part-time job on the side. That plus the small salary you get working for a non-profit were enough to get by. But now that it was just you, you had picked up another job, bar tending at the hole-in-the-wall down the street.

You knew now seeing Evelyn wasn't a result of lack of sleep. After this all started, you had even started going to therapy. You told your therapist what you had been seeing, figuring it was grief that was making you see her. Your therapist listened, saying that it was definitely possible, but you didn't notice her puzzlement at what you were describing. Not only had you seen Evelyn in your dreams, but you had also seen her when you were awake. She spoke to you, saying that she wanted you to come with her. Your therapist nodded, as if this made perfect sense to her.

"Come with me..." Evelyn's voice snapped you out of your thoughts and back to the present, making you jump. Evelyn took a few steps toward you, holding out a knife from your kitchen.

"I-I can't, Evy. You know I can't," you say, shivering.

"Y/N...please..."

You look down, noticing the red slashes torn through her ratty shirt. It takes you back to the night you found out she was killed. A man had pulled her into an alley on her walk home from work. He stabbed her 15 times in the stomach. He didn't even take her purse, just left her there to bleed to death. You got the call shortly after. The hospital where she was doing her clinicals called and gave you the news. A tear runs down your cheek just remembering that night from a year ago.

Evelyn comes closer to you, the sharp end of the knife almost touching the spot just above your heart.

"I love you, Evy, but you know I can't do it."

"We could be together forever..." she whispers.

You find yourself actually considering what she was asking of you. After all, you have no one left. Your parents had died in a car accident when you were 18 and Evy was 16. You took care of Evy, becoming her legal guardian. You had always been close, the kind of sisters that were best friends. You two never left each other, grieving your parents but moving on together. You got her through the rest of high school. You both got jobs. You both went to college, paying for classes with scholarships and money from your jobs as you went. You two had been on your own for 10 years when you lost Evelyn. Now you were alone, and her request was starting to feel more and more appealing.

Evelyn turns the knife's handle toward you, urging you to take it. You take the knife, looking down at its sharp silver edge.

This could be over. I could be with my family forever.

Tears run down your cheeks as you grip the knife, hands shaking.

Suddenly, you see something moving in your periphery. A tall man with shaggy brown hair lifts a fireplace poker high and brings it down, slashing right through Evelyn, who disappears. You stand there, frozen, still holding the knife out above you.

"Hey--hey...can you give me the knife?" The tall man hesitantly asks you, trying not to alarm you any more than you already are.

You slowly hand the knife to him, eyes wide. He takes it and throws it on the bed behind you.

"Can you tell me your name?" He asks.

"Y/N." You manage to get out.

"Okay, Y/N. My name is Sam. I'm here to help you, but I need you to answer a few questions for me, and quick, before she comes back." He says, leaning down to your height and looking you in the eyes.

"O-okay."

"Was your sister buried or cremated?" He asks.

"Wh-what? Why do you need to know that?"

"Please, Y/N, it's really important."

"She was cremated," you say, confusion written on your face.

"Okay. Do you have anything of hers, a piece of clothing or jewelry? Something that she may have really loved?"

"Um, I-I don't know."

"I need to you to think, Y/N. What do you have of hers?" He says urgently.

You have so many things of hers. After all, where else would all of her things gone? You felt a pull in your heart, though, knowing what the item was. The bracelet your parents got her just before they died. She wore it everywhere and loved it. After she died you kept it, wearing it to keep her memory with you every day.

"M-my bracelet. It was hers." You say, looking down at the leather bracelet with the silver charms.

"Okay. I need you to--"

Sam is cut off as he flies across the room, pushed by some invisible force and crashing into some shelves on the other side of the room. You see Evelyn then, her eyes looking as you'd never seen them before, filled with hate.

"Shit...Sammy!" You hear from behind you. You turn to see a second man entering the room. He is shorter than the first, with shorter hair and chiseled features.

"Dean! It's the bracelet!" Sam yelled from the corner of the room where he had landed.

The shorter man--Dean, apparently--comes running toward you, grabbing for your wrist. Evelyn stops him just short of you by sticking her hand right through his chest. Dean gasps, trying to breathe through the pain.

"Evy, stop!" You yell.

Evelyn looks at you, her hand still in Dean's chest.

"You have to stop. I love you, but you can't do this anymore. You can't hurt people."

Evelyn continues to stare at you, unmoving. Just then you hear a loud shot ring through the air and Evelyn disappears, leaving Dean gasping and hunched on the ground. Sam runs up to you, holding a sawed-off shotgun.

"Give me the bracelet, Y/N."

You give Sam the charm bracelet and watch as he pulls a lighter out of his pocket and begins lighting it on fire.

Evelyn appears again behind him, but is immediately engulfed in flames. She disappears, screaming as she goes.

You stand in shock, looking at the spot where your sister was finally laid to rest, trying to come to terms with the knowledge that you were not crazy, and that Evelyn had really been here.

"Wh-what was that?" You ask the two men.

"That," Dean grunts as he climbs to his feet, "was the ghost of your sister."


	2. New Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You learn about the supernatural world and why you can't just go back to your normal life...

You had spent the last hour in your small kitchen with the two strange (albeit handsome) men, trying to understand what you had just witnessed.

"So you're saying it's all real--ghosts, vampires, werewolves--all of it?" You ask. You take a drink of your beer. You had gotten one for each of you once you realized how long this night was going to be.

"Well the stories you've heard about them probably aren't all that accurate, darlin', but yes, they're all real." Dean says.

"Plus demons, angels, hellhounds..." Sam adds.

"Oh." You take a deep breath. "Oh." You say again.

"Yeah." Dean says, looking at you with concern in his eyes.

"S-so Evelyn?" You ask, looking between the men you now have learned are brothers.

"She wasn't ready to let go when she died." Sam says. "Sometimes people stay after they die to try to finish business, or get revenge--"

"Or try to get the ones they love to come with them." Dean adds, looking right into your eyes.

There is a moment of silence, both brothers watching you, waiting for you to speak. Sam must have told Dean what he saw when he arrived.

"I know what you're thinking." You say. "I know what it looked like when you came in, Sam. It was just a moment of weakness. I don't think I would have actually done it."

Both men visibly relax, relieved that you are not in fact suicidal.

"But wait--how did you know this was happening? How did you know where I live?" You ask, starting to feel a little creeped out.

Sam holds up his hands in a non-threatening gesture. "A friend called us and told us that she suspected you may have a ghost. The more you started mentioning seeing Evelyn, the more worried she got. It's your therapist, Dr. Miller."

"D-Dr. Miller?" You ask. "She knows about ghosts?"

"Yes. She had a run-in with one of her own a few years back and we helped her then. She calls us now and then when she hears of a case that sounds like something we deal with. We're hunters. We hunt the supernatural." Dean says.

"Wow." You breathe out, trying to wrap your head around this new information.

"She wanted us to tell you sorry for breaking patient confidentiality, by the way." Dean says with a smirk.

"Well I guess I'm glad she did...but how did you know when to come in?" You ask.

"Well, after your last session Dr. Miller called us, saying she thought things were getting worse. We drove over to the address she gave us and parked on the street. We saw the light you left on in the living room start flickering through the window. That's a sign that a ghost is near. So we thought it would be best to come in." Sam explains.

"Yeah, and by the way, that old lady down the hall sure is a spitfire." Dean adds. "Couldn't get past her and her wandering eyes...and hands." He shudders a little. "That's why I was a little late to the party."

You giggle, thinking of Mrs. Hill in 3B. She really is a spitfire.

Dean gives a half smile, glad he was able to make you laugh.

You blush, and your giggles die down. "So now what? How do I go back to my regular life after this?" You ask.

"Well, that's where things get a little complicated." Sam says, clearly not wanting to drop more bad news on you.

"Just spill it, Sammy." You say, too tired to care about pleasantries at this point.

Dean smirks, apparently at your use of the nickname 'Sammy.'

"Well, we did some digging when we heard about your situation, and about the man that stabbed your sister. We read an eyewitness account that said they swore when the man looked at them as he ran away that he had black eyes." Sam explains.

"What does that have to do with anything?" You ask, a sinking feeling forming in your stomach.

"Black eyes equals demons, doll." Dean says. "Now sometimes demons kill just for the fun of it. But something else stuck out to us in the report."

"The eyewitness said that the man had every chance to stab them as well. But he left, mumbling something about settling a score and finding the 'other one'," Sam says. "Demons don't usually have a problem with more blood. So something tells us he has an agenda."

"So what does that mean for me?" You ask, thinking you already know the answer.

"We think he could come after you next. We don't know how he hasn't found you in the last year, but it probably isn't from lack of trying." Dean says.

You slowly nod. You knew this meant things were about to change. You also knew there was nothing to do but move forward. Knowing again that Evelyn was gone--this time for good--added to the sadness you already carried around in your heart. But picking yourself up and moving on had been your life for the last ten years. Why should now be any different? "So what do we do?"

Sam looks at you, surprised. Dean looks at you with a small smile, seemingly impressed at your move-forward attitude.

"How do you feel about bunking with two strangers?" Dean says, giving you a cheesy smile.

"I'll go pack," you say, putting down your beer and heading back towards your room.

 


	3. Bunking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go with the Winchesters to their "bunker." You get to know the elder one a little better.

You wake with a start, unsure of where you are. You hear the low rumble of an engine beneath you, and it call comes rushing back to you.

Evelyn.

The brothers.

Leaving for your safety.

The '67 Impala in which you were currently riding.

You had gotten in the back seat to start the hour-long ride to this "bunker" the men kept talking about. The minute your ass hit the seat you felt your eyes get heavy and fell asleep soon after.

"When we get to the bunker, make sure she has a room and bed made up," you hear Sam tell Dean.

"Yeah, I will. We have plenty of space." Dean replies.

"I mean made up nicely, Dean." Sam says.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I've seen your cleaning and hospitality skills, man. They leave something to be desired."

"Yeah, I'll take care of it, Sammy. Bitch."

"Jerk," Sam replies.

You smile to yourself at their playful banter. At the same time you feel a small tug on your heart, remembering how it was to have conversations like this with Evy.

"You think she'll be okay?" You hear Sam ask.

"Dude, I can tell, she's a fighter. Look at the mound of crap she's already been through. She's still standing, ain't she?" Dean says.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. At least she's sleeping now. She heard a lot of shit tonight."

You smile again, and feel yourself being pulled under by sleep once more.

What feels like a few minutes later you wake and find yourself being carried through a long hallway. You look up and into the most beautiful green eyes that belong to the person carrying you: Dean. You wonder to yourself, _how could I have missed those eyes before?_

Dean looks down at you and grins. "It's okay, darlin'. Go back to sleep."

You smile and snuggle into Dean's chest, noticing his intoxicating smell of leather and whiskey, and fall back to sleep.

 

The next morning, you wake feeling more well-rested than you have in a long time. You hadn't realized how much the dreams and sights of your sister were plaguing your sleep. You stretch out your arms, and look at the clock on the bedside table. 11 o'clock? You can't believe you slept so late. You have always been an early riser.

You get out of bed and pad your way down the long hallway outside your room to the bathroom. After that you wander down the hall until you find the kitchen. You see the two brothers there, Sam drinking coffee and looking at his laptop; Dean standing at the stove, cooking eggs that smell delicious.

Your stomach grumbles loud enough to alert the brothers of your presence.

"Y/N!" Sam exclaims when he looks up. "How are you feeling?"

"Hey, Sammy. I'm feeling really good, actually. I slept better last night than I have in ages."

"That's good to hear. Dean's making some food, we figured you'd be hungry." Sam says.

"Yeah, that sounds great. Morning, Dean." You say, looking in Dean's direction.

Dean looks up from the pan and looks you up and down before responding, "Mornin', darlin'," he says with a smirk.

You blush slightly. You are really starting to like Dean's little 'darlin' pet name for you.

Dean finishes the eggs and you all sit down to eat. You scarf your breakfast down, eating like you hadn't seen food for weeks. The boys watch you, seemingly impressed at your ability to eat. "I'll take that as a compliment," Dean says when he sees you've finished before either boy.

"Yes, thanks Dean, it was really good." You reply.

"Well, I'm gonna go hit the showers. Thanks for breakfast, Dean." Sam says, getting up and heading down the hall.

You are left with Dean sitting at the table. You look at him to find him staring at you. He clears his throat.

"So, uh, we thought that maybe today we could go to the store and you could get whatever stuff you need...clothes, toiletries, all that." Dean says with a wave of his hand.

"Yeah, that sounds good." You reply.

There's a moment of silence as you both try to think of what to say.

"So thanks again--"

"I'm really sorry about--" you and Dean start talking at the same time.

"Go ahead," you say.

"Well, I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about your sister. And your parents. I know what it's like to lose someone, and I know it ain't easy." Dean says, looking into your eyes.

"Thank you. It's been hard, but I'll be okay." You respond. "You've lost someone?"

"Yeah. Me and Sammy lost our mom when we were really young. Then our dad a few years back. And each other, too."

"What? Each other?" You ask.

"Yeah...it's a long story." Dean replies.

"That must have been hard," you respond, not wanting to push too much. You put your hand on Dean's, trying to provide him some comfort.

"Yeah, it really was. We've been through a lot. That's kinda how the life of a hunter is, though. A lot of ups and downs."

"So how do you cope with the grief?" You ask, trying to get Dean to open up a little more.

"Drinking, mostly," Dean says with a small chuckle. "To be honest, I don't really know. I guess we just--wait a second. No, no, no." Dean says, shaking his head.

"What?" You ask innocently.

"No mushy chick-flick moments for me. I'm not about the whole touchy-feely crap." Dean looks at you with his eyes narrowed. "How'd you do that, anyway?"

"Do what?" You ask.

"You know what. Get me to talk about my feelings and shit." Dean replies.

You chuckle lightly. "Well, getting people to talk about their 'feelings and shit,' as you so nicely put it, was kind of my job before."

"Your job? What did you do?" Dean asks, seeming genuinely interested.

"I worked for a non-profit that provides visits to the elderly when they are sick. I did some things like help them with their medications and doctor appointments, but mostly I just talked to them. You know, some people think the elderly are just grumpy and don't care anymore, but the truth is they just want someone to talk to. Even the ones that are cynical just need a little probing to open up. And when they do, they usually have some great stories to tell." You explain.

"Wow." Dean looks down at the table with wide eyes. "That's pretty cool, Y/N. And I tell you what, I can tell that that must have taken a lot of patience if they are anything like old Mrs. Hill from down the hall in your building."

You giggle, thinking of the old bat. She really is sweet, though. Even if she does act like a teenager sometimes when it comes to attractive men.

A comfortable silence settles over the two of you as you think about what he just told you. There is so much loss between the two of you.

"So what about you? I don't know how to trick you into telling me like you did, but would you tell me a little about your family?" Dean asks.

You laugh a little. "Sure. My parents were really great. They were goofy. They loved making Evy and I laugh. When they died, it was too soon. I know that everyone says that when they lose someone, but it really was. They were so in love with each other. You could walk into a room they were in and immediately see it. They treated Evelyn and I with respect, and because of that we never felt the need to be rebellious or anything like that. We just got along. I miss them so much."

Your voice breaks a little and you feel a tear slide down your cheek. You try to hide your face and reach up to wipe the tear away. Before you get the chance, you feel Dean's hand on yours. He pulls it away from your face and uses a finger to lift your chin so you're looking into his eyes.

"Don't hide, darlin'. There's no shame in missing them." Dean says, bringing your hand down to hold in his.

You feel another tear escape, but smile lightly, continuing to look into Dean's meadow-green eyes. You feel your heart start to speed up a bit. Man, Dean is beautiful. You know you're attracted to him. You felt that pull from the moment you looked in his eyes. There's no way he would be attracted to you, though, you think. He's too good.

"Hey, shower's free if anyone wants to go next!" Sam says, coming in. You jump and pull your hand from Dean's. Sam sees your face and his eyes grow concerned. You blush lightly and get up to go to the shower.

"Everything okay?" You hear Sam ask Dean from behind you.

"Yeah...we're good." Dean replies, and you can hear his smile in his voice.

 

 


	4. Shopping Trip

After a long shower you are starting to feel human again. You used the time in the shower to wash away the fear and sadness of the last day and a half. When you get to your room you put on one of the few outfits you brought with you from your apartment: jeans and an old AC/DC tee that used to be your dad's. He loved classic rock, so you grew up listening to it. You smile to yourself, thinking of running around the house with Evy, singing into hair brushes with Dad as your audience.

You put your wet hair up into a messy bun after you realize you didn't bring a hair dryer with you to the bunker. This place is amazing, but it definitely lacks anything remotely feminine.

You walk out of your room to the library, finding Sam sitting at the table back on his laptop.

"Hiya, Sammy." You say.

"Hey, Y/N. Ready to go shopping? We can leave as soon as Dean is out of the shower." Sam says.

"Definitely. Listen, Sam, I really appreciate what you guys are doing for me, but I just want you to know that if I get to be too much of a burden or overstay my welcome--"

Sam cuts you off. "Y/N, you are not and will never be a burden. We want you here as long as you want to be here. And don't worry, we will catch that son-of-a-bitch that killed your sister."

"Thanks, Sam." It warms your heart that the brothers have been so welcoming. Sam is such a caring person. You can already tell that the two of you are going to get along really well. And, while Dean is still a bit of a mystery to you, you know you will get along with him as well.

Twenty minutes later you're all back in the Impala and pulling up to a department store.

"Alright, Y/N, Sammy will go in with you to make sure you stay safe and I'll wait out here for you." Dean says.

"Uh-uh, no way, you're coming too." Sam says.

"You guys don't need me, I'll just be here taking a nap or listening to music." Dean replies.

"Oh, come on Dean, please?" You say, jokingly batting your eyelashes at him through the rear view mirror.

Dean looks at you and sighs. "Fine. But I'm not carrying all your stuff like some puppy dog following you around."

You roll your eyes. "Okay, I'll try not to emasculate you too much."

\-----------------

  
You make your way through the aisles of the department store, grabbing what you can as you go. You may be a girl, but that doesn't mean you have to take forever shopping. You've never been a big fan of it anyway. You grab some basics: t-shirts, jeans, jackets, and grab a few dresses just in case you need them. Sam keeps an eye out just to be sure there isn't anyone following you, while Dean actually does end up holding all your stuff. You tried to carry it yourself, but when he saw you struggling he huffed and took it all from you, rolling his eyes. You smiled to yourself then, knowing he was hating every second of this.

You hold a few shirts up to yourself, just to make sure they'll fit okay. Dean looks at you and tilts his head a bit.

"What?" You ask him.

"Nothing, I just didn't notice your shirt before. AC/DC. Pretty cool." Dean says, a half-smile on his face.

"Thanks, it was my dad's," you reply, looking down at your shirt and smiling.

  
When you have all your items, you make your way to the check-out. Dean puts all your clothes and toiletries on the counter. You grab your wallet out of your purse, only to see Dean step in front of you with his own.

"Dean, I can pay for all this stuff." You say, feeling stubborn.

"I got it, doll. Trust me, we can afford it." Dean replies.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You ask, feeling a little offended.

Sam pulls you aside and whispers, "Being hunters doesn't exactly pay all that well. So we run a few card scams. I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable."

"Are you serious? With all you guys do, I think the world owes you." You reply.

Sam smiles and you step back to the counter, finding that Dean is done paying and grabbing all the bags.

  
When you get back to the bunker, Dean takes all your bags to what is now your room.

"By the way, I hope this room is okay. I got it all set up for you last night before I brought you in from the car. My room is right across the hall if you need anything." Dean says.

"Thanks, Dean. It looks great. Clean and hospitable." You say with a wink.

Dean rolls his eyes. "So I guess you heard us in the car last night?"

"Yeah, a little bit."

"Well, I'm gonna go tell Sammy where he can stick his judgement of my cleaning skills. Hey, Sammy!" Dean yells, running down the hall.

You laugh at the brothers' antics and start putting away your items. You realize then that you feel at home already, more at home that you did in that small apartment in the last year since Evy's death.

 


	5. Family Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find out a secret your parents were keeping from you and what this means.

You've finished putting all of your new clothes and other items away. Since you didn't have time last night, you also unpack the small bag of things you brought from your apartment, which include a picture of your mom and dad on their wedding day and a picture of you and Evelyn with your arms around each other. You put both pictures on your nightstand and decide to go find the boys.

As you get closer to the library you hear the brothers talking.

"...think it's some kind of deal gone wrong?" you hear Sam ask.

"I don't know, man, Y/N doesn't seem like the type to make a demon deal. And from what she told me about her family, things seemed pretty apple-pie." Dean replies.

You stay around the corner to listen to the conversation.

"Yeah, but do you think maybe things were too apple-pie? Maybe one of her parents made a deal."

"I don't know, Sammy, we're just going to have to ask her." Dean says.

"Ask me what?" You say, coming around the corner as if you weren't listening.

"Uh...what you want to have for dinner?" Dean lies.

"Nice try, Winchester, but I heard what you were saying. So just be straight with me. What's going on?" You say, putting your hands on your hips.

Sam looks like a puppy as he guiltily replies, "Okay, Y/N, we think that maybe this demon is after you because of a deal he may have made with someone in your family."

You consider this and ask, "What kind of deal?"

"Well usually when someone makes a deal with a demon it's because they're desperate. Something is going wrong and they need a way out. So they make a deal with a demon for 10 years of whatever it is they need before the demon comes to collect their soul," Dean explains.

You think back to 10 years ago. You know that was the year your parents died, but you try to think back to before that. Things had been good. Everyone was happy. The only time you weren't was...

"Oh my God. I know what it is." You say, eyes wide with disbelief.

"What?" The brothers ask simultaneously.

"It was a couple months before my parents' car accident. I got sick, really sick. I was born with SCID." You reply.

Dean looks puzzled and Sam explains, "It's an immunodeficiency disorder. You basically are in constant danger of infections." Dean still looks confused so Sam adds, rolling his eyes, "You know, the bubble boy disease."

"Ohhh." Dean says, finally getting it.

"Yeah. So I was sick a lot as a child. But this time was really bad. I got the flu, and my body couldn't fight it off. I was in the hospital, and the doctors told my parents I probably wasn't going to make it. Two days later, I made a full recovery. The flu was gone, and my white blood cell count was way up. Since then, I almost never get sick. It's like the disorder is gone. It's almost to good to be true." You explain.

"And you didn't think anything was weird about that?" Dean asks.

You glare at him. "Of course I did. But do you really think we were going to look a gift horse in the mouth?" You pause."It was my mom, I just know it. She would have done anything to save me. Even something this desperate." You sit down and bury your face in your hands, realizing what this means.

"So your parents died soon after. When the demon wanted to collect your parents' souls, he realized he was out of luck. He must have decided to come after you and Evelyn as a replacement," Sam says, almost to himself as he's trying to work it all out.

"So they saved me...but Evelyn died instead?" You feel your heart starting to break all over again. If you hadn't been sick, your parents wouldn't have made this deal, and Evy would still be here.

"Hey, hey...don't think like that, darlin'." Dean gets up, kneels down to your eye level and takes your small hands in his large calloused ones. "This is not your fault. People get sick. Your parents made the decision to save you. Even if it did turn out like this, think about all the time you had with Evelyn that you wouldn't have had otherwise."

"I guess. I just...I can't believe they did this," you say, shaking your head slowly.

Dean gets up suddenly, releasing your hands and says, "Alright, well that's enough of this sad shit. I know exactly what we need: alcohol. Drinks at the bar, on me. Now up you get, doll, and go get ready 'cause we leave in twenty minutes." Dean pulls you up, turns you towards your room, and gives you a light swat on your ass. You laugh, unable to keep a straight face at his declaration, and head to your room to change.

\-------------

You had decided to wear one of the new dresses you got at the department store. It was a form-fitting black dress that accentuated your curves in all the right places. You were by no means a stick, but you had always liked that about yourself. The dress dipped down, revealing just enough cleavage without being slutty. You put your hair in an updo, letting a few curly tendrils hang down. You put on some makeup, just enough to make your y/e/c eyes stand out. You finished off the ensemble with a pair of strappy heals and headed out to meet the boys.

When you get to the kitchen you find the boys there waiting for you. They look up as they hear your heels click on the tile floor.

"Wow, Y/N, you look great." Sam says with a smile.

"Thanks, Sammy."

You look to Dean, who hasn't taken his eyes off you yet. You see his eyes wandering up and down your body, until they finally land on yours. You clear your throat a little.

"Oh...uh, yeah, Y/N, you look...incredible." Dean finally gets out.

"Thanks, Dean. You look pretty good yourself," you say with a smile. The truth is he looks amazing, as per usual. He is in nice jeans and a dark purple v-neck, which make his green eyes look vibrant. The sleeves hit just the right point on his arms, making his toned muscles stand out.

Sam clears his throat, "So, are we ready to go?"

"Yeah, lets go," Dean says, snapping out of his gaze that was locked on you. You try not to read too much into this. He is a man, after all. He probably just likes the way you look in this dress.

Dean grabs his leather jacket and you're off to the Impala once again.

 


	6. The Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and the boys head out for a night at the bar.

 

Dean

 

Dean was trying his hardest to keep his eyes on the road. He kept finding himself looking in the rear view mirror at you. You had your legs crossed in the back seat, your dress riding up on your thigh. Dean knew you were beautiful, but when you came into the kitchen in that dress...wow. He couldn't keep his eyes off of you.

"Alright, we're here!" Dean said, realizing he was already pulling Baby into the bar parking lot.

You all get out of the car and walk into the bar. It is a bit of a hole-in-the-wall, but Dean had always loved it. It was about half-full with people who were scattered throughout the bar and the seating area, with a few people up on the small stage doing karaoke.

"Shots? Y/N? Sammy?" Dean asks with a smirk.

"Dude, I think I'll just stick with beer tonight," Sam says, shaking his head.

"I'm in." Dean hears you say. He raises his eyebrows in surprise.

"Alrighty then. Four shots of tequila over here!" Dean yells to the bartender.

Sam had wandered over to where a pretty brunette had been eyeing him and was now laughing with her. When your shots arrived, Dean lifted one in the air. "To meeting new people," he says.

"Absolutely." You say. Dean watches as you down your shot like it's nothing, while he coughs a little on his as it stings his throat. He sees you then down the second shot, just as easily as the first.

"You are not new to this, are you, doll?" Dean asks in a low voice, leaning in to you.

"You could say that." You say, taking Dean's other shot and giving him a wink. Dean feels his cheeks redden a little, but he can't help but be impressed.

Dean clears his throat. "So, what do I have to do to get you to get up on that stage and sing me a little song?"

"Hmm...I'd have to be a bit more drunk than this," you reply.

"In that case...two doubles of whiskey over here." Dean signals to the bartender.

A few drinks later finds you up on the stage getting ready to sing the song you picked out, while Dean sits front-and-center, secretly looking forward to your drunk ass trying to sing a song.

The music begins, and Dean immediately recognizes the song as "Landslide" by Fleetwood Mac.

_I took my love and I took it down_  
I climbed a mountain and I turned around  
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills  
'Til the landslide brought it down

As you began to sing, Dean feels himself leaning forward, mesmerized. Your voice is beautiful, almost angelic. Not to mention the perfect choice in song.

_Well I've been afraid of changin'_  
'Cause I've built my life around you  
But time makes you bolder  
Even children get older  
And I'm getting older, too

Dean watches as you close your eyes and sway to the music, clearly feeling every note. As you reach the end of the song, he sees a tear make its way down your cheek.

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills  
Well, the landslide will bring it down

The song ends and the whole bar applauds. Dean watches you make your way off the stage. He feels unable to move. The song was amazing, and he felt it in his very core. He watches you walk towards him and take a seat at the table.

"Y/N, that was...that..."

"I know, probably not too great considering how much I've had to drink," you say.

"N-no...it was perfect." Dean replies. "Are you okay, though?" Dean says, looking at the place your cheek was still wet from the tear.

"Yeah, I'm fine," you reply. "It's just that Fleetwood Mac was my dad's favorite band, and we used to sing this song together all the time. It just makes me miss him, is all."

You stare at each other for a minute, then Dean suddenly gets up. "Well I'm going to go get us another round. I'll be right back." He gets up, shaking his head as he walks away. What was happening to him? He has never been one to have deep feelings for a girl. Every time he did, he ruined it. He couldn't let that happen with you. He hadn't known you for long, but he knew you deserved better. He gets your drinks and turns from the bar to come back to your table. When he turns, he sees someone talking to you. The guy is clearly a scum-bag. Dean sees him leaning in close to you and whispering something, clearly making you uncomfortable. Suddenly, Dean is seeing red. Before he knows what he is doing, he puts down your drinks and pulls the guy up by his collar.

"I don't think the lady is interested, asshole." Dean says, through gritted teeth.

"Dean, it's fine, Matt here was just leaving." You say, trying to calm Dean down.

Matt pulls his collar out of Dean's grasp, but gets in his face as soon as he is free. "I think the lady can make her own decisions, don't you?" Matt walks back over to you and puts his arm around you, his hands dangerously close to your chest.

"I would walk away if I were you, dick." Dean says, clearly fuming.

"Or what?" Matt leans down and takes your lips in a sloppy kiss. Dean is about to lunge at him, but before he can you are up out of your chair. You slap Matt, hard, across the face. When he pulls back, trying to recover, you knee him right in the groin, making him double over in pain.

"The lady can make her own decisions," you whisper, leaning down to Matt's ear. You push him lightly on the shoulder and he tumbles over. Dean watches as you grab your clutch and walk right by him, tossing a "Let's go," over your shoulder.

Dean stands there in disbelief. You are even more awesome than he thought.

 


	7. Chapter 7

You

As you're leaving the bar, Dean in toe, a man stops you. He has short, dark hair and an arm filled with tattoos. You find yourself staring a bit, thinking he is actually pretty cute and rugged looking. Dean eyes him warily.

"Hi, my name's Brian. I just wanted to tell you that I thought you sounded amazing up there tonight--" he stops, reaching out to shake your hand and silently asking for your name.

"Y/N."

"Y/N." Brian smiles. "Anyway, I'm the lead guitarist in a band, and we're actually looking for a new lead singer. I was wondering if you were interested."

"What kind of band?" You ask.

"We're a little bit of everything. Alternative, rock, indie. We aren't big by any means, but we like to play here. Anyway, I wanted to give you my number, just in case you were interested," Brian says, handing you a small piece of paper with his number on it.

"Uh, sure, I-I'll think about it." You say, surprised.

"Thanks, Y/N. Have a good night." Brian smiles again and walks away.

You look at the paper and then at Dean. He smirks. "Listen, Y/N, I really think you're talented and all, but I don't think your singing is all Brian there is interested in," he says, hitching a thumb over his shoulder.

You start to fume. "What gives you the right to say? And what did you think you were doing back in the bar? I'm a grown-ass woman. I don't need you to protect me. And if I want to call Brian, I will, regardless of if he is interested in more than my singing!"

Dean just stares back at you, shocked at your outburst. He starts to stutter out a reply but before he says anything coherent you turn on your heel and head towards the car. You get in the back, cross your arms over your chest, and wait for the boys to join you so you can go home.

Sam and Dean join you in the car, Dean looking sheepish. There's a long silence as Dean starts up the car.

You sigh, annoyed with the silence. "Where's the brunette, Sammy?" You ask, trying to diffuse some of the tension in the car.

"Eh, she wasn't really my type," Sam replies.

"Not your type? You guys looked like you were laughing and having a good time," you say, wondering what happened.

"Yeah, well, she would have been a little too easy to get, if you know what I mean."

You laugh a little and feel the mood lighten, which helps you let go of some of your anger.

"Sounds like just my type, eh Sammy?" Dean says.

You feel your heart sink at Dean's comment. You knew he probably wasn't in to you, but this just confirms it. Dean's only in it for a fling when it comes to women. You see Dean look at you through the rear view mirror. He's smirking, but you see his face drop and his eyes fill with concern as he looks at you. You quickly look away and focus on looking out the window of the Impala the rest of the drive home.

When you get back to the bunker, Sam starts heading for his room. "I'm gonna hit the hay, guys. We gotta start early on the research for that case we saw in the paper earlier. Goodnight."

"Night, Sammy," you and Dean say simultaneously.

When you're left alone with Dean, you see him looking at you with concern in his eyes.

"Listen, Y/N, I want to apologize--"

"Don't worry about it, Dean. It's not a big deal," you say, still annoyed as you turn to walk to your room. You feel Dean's hand wrap around your wrist, spinning you back to look at him.

"Y/N." Dean says, looking deep into your y/e/c eyes. You gasp at how close his face is to yours, your free hand having landed on his chest for balance.

"Yes?" You say, breathless.

Dean stares at you, hesitating.

"I--I'm sorry." Dean says. He breaks the moment, suddenly turning and walking away. You're left standing in the hallway, confused and a little hurt. There is clearly chemistry between the two of you, but for some reason Dean just doesn't seem interested. You walk to your room and fall into your bed, hoping you can turn your mind off and sleep doesn't evade you too much tonight.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning, you and Dean avoid each other for the most part. Sam wants to do research for the case, but says he has something he wants to talk to you about first. You, Dean and Sam gather in the library around the table.

"So, I'm not sure how the demon was unable to find you for a year after Evelyn was killed. But, I know something that will help keep him away now." Sam explains. He begins to pull down the collar of his t-shirt. He reveals a tattoo on his chest, a flaming circle with some kind of star in the middle. It looks familiar, but you aren't sure why. You look to Dean, who is doing the same thing, revealing a tattoo of his own.

"It's an anti-possession tattoo. It will definitely make sure you don't get possessed by a demon, and will maybe even make it harder for him to find you." Dean says.

"So you're saying you want me to get a tattoo of this?" You ask.

"Yes. Preferably today." Sam says.

"Okay. I can do that," you say, still contemplating where you've seen this symbol before.

Sam and Dean already know of a tattoo parlor, so you pile back in the Impala and head over there. In the car, it suddenly comes to you.

"I know where I've seen that symbol!" You yell. Sam and Dean both jump at your outburst.

"Where?" Sam asks.

"It was one of the charms on my sister's bracelet."

"The bracelet you wore up until we burned it the other night?" Sam asks, with concern in his eyes.

"Yes. I guess I never thought of the charm as anything but a star." You say.

"Well, darlin', it's a good thing we're getting you this tattoo today, then. You were protected when you had that bracelet." Dean says.

You feel your anger and confusion towards Dean melt a little bit from his use of his nickname for you and feel yourself smiling. _Geez, Y/N, get a grip._

"You know what? Evy wasn't wearing her bracelet the night she was murdered. I found it in her jewelry box at home." You remember.

"Who gave her that bracelet?" Sam asks.

"My mom and dad. They gave it to her on her birthday a few months before they died."

"I'm willing to bet they put that charm on there on purpose after making that deal." Dean adds.

"Yeah, me too." You shake your head. _All this just to save me._

"Hey, Y/N, we will not allow you to blame yourself for all this." Sam says, turning from the front seat to look at you.

You half smile, even though the guilt is still there. You look up to see Dean watching you in the mirror again. He quickly looks away.

"We're here!" Dean says, pulling into the tattoo parlor's parking lot.

When you walk in to the parlor, you notice that it's actually pretty nice and clean inside. It helps put you at ease, as you've heard many horror stories about filthy tattoo parlors that give you infections and all kinds of shit you don't even want to consider.

A burley man covered in tattoos walks up to you all and grunts to Sam, "What'll it be?"

"Actually just a tattoo for Y/N here," Sam says, stepping slightly in front of you.

The man peers around Sam and looks at you. His eyebrows raise and he looks you up and down as he says, "Hmm. Alright, little lady, what'll it be for you...and where?"

You hear Dean make a slight growling sound from behind you. Just then, the bell from the front door chimes, alerting the man that another customer came in. The man goes to greet the customer, apparently a regular at the parlor. A girl who looks to be in her mid-twenties walks up to you. “Tiny is gonna help our customer over there, so you’re stuck with me,” she says with a smile. You immediately relax, glad that ‘Tiny’ won’t have his grubby hands on you.

You follow the girl—Sarah, you find out—over to her table. She asks you what you want and where. Sam pulls out a picture of the anti-possession symbol and hands it to Sarah.  
  
“I’d like it here, please,” you say, pointing to the spot just above your right hip.

“Okay, go ahead and lay back and I’ll sterilize the area,” Sarah says.

You do as she says and lay back, feeling a little nervous about the pain this may cause. You lift your shirt above your midriff and pull your pants down a little to allow her access to the place you want your tattoo. You look up and see Sam averting his gaze, trying to give you some privacy. You look to Dean whose eyes are fixed on the spot, until Sam loudly clears his throat and gestures for him to look away.

"Okay, here we go," Sarah warns.

You feel the needle touch your skin, and immediately flinch from the pain. The second you flinch, you feel one hand on each side of you take one of yours. Both brothers grasp your hands tight, and you start to relax, getting used to the pain.

In what feels like no time, Sarah is done and giving you aftercare instructions. You walk out of the parlor feeling pretty proud of yourself. Sam and Dean clap you on the back as you all climb back into the Impala and head home.

 


	9. Training

A few hours later, you sit back in your chair in the library and rub your temples. Sam and Dean did the research for the case they found. They found out pretty quickly that what they were hunting was a werewolf. It was 'pretty straightforward,' as they said. You were thinking that nothing about this life was straightforward, but just nodded in agreement anyway. That was a few hours ago, but you continued to read a few of the many books on lore in the library. Your mind was blown at all the things you were reading. What was the most interesting, though, was that you didn't feel scared by what you were reading. If anything, it just spurred on your need to help others. You figure if you couldn't do the job you were doing before to help humankind, this could be a good alternative.

Only one problem: the boys are very unlikely to allow you to tag along on hunts.

"How's it going?" Sam says, as he comes into the library.

"All this stuff is crazy. But weirdly enough, I feel good about it. I think I'm glad to know what's out there. It makes me want to help other people that are going through what I've been through."

"Hmm. Well maybe we could train you a bit and you could come on some of the smaller hunts with us." Sam says.

"I would love that!" You exclaim.

"Yeah..." Sam says hesitantly.

"What?"

"Well, it's not me you have to convince. It's Dean." Sam says.

"Dean? Why do I need to convince Dean? I'm a grown woman. I can make my own decisions."

"Dean tends to get...protective of others on hunts. It's sort of a mix of his worry that you'll get in the way and his worry that you could get hurt." Sam explains.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to train so that's not a problem, won't we?" You say with a smirk.

  
An hour later you are in the training room with Sam. Dean has been out on a grocery run, which means this was the perfect time for you to get some training in with Sam. Much to your surprise, you weren't too shabby.

"Okay, okay, you got me." Sam says, panting from where he was currently pinned on the ground beneath you.

"Guess the self-defense classes I took are coming in handy," you say, letting Sam up.

"Y/N, I think you are going to do pretty well on hunts. Just make sure you study up on what kills what, and I think you'll be good to go."

"What about Dean?"

"You're on your own there," Sam says, chuckling as he leaves the training room and heads toward his room.

"What about Dean?" Dean says, coming in the training room from the kitchen.

"Oh...hey, Dean. Sam was just saying that he thinks I'm ready to go on a hunt with you guys."

"A hunt? You?" Dean says incredulously.

"Yes, me," you say, challenging him.

"Yeah, okay, darlin', I'm sure a little thing like you could take down a werewolf," Dean says sarcastically, quirking his eyebrow.

"Yeah, I think I could!" You yell, stubbornly.

"Fine," Dean says, rolling up the sleeves of his flannel shirt. "You take me down, you can come on the hunt tomorrow."

"You're on," you say, smirking and getting in your fighting stance.

"Oh, that's cute doll, you're all ready, huh?" Dean says, stifling a laugh.

You look at Dean and narrow your eyes. His cockiness is about to be his downfall. You lunge at him, which he sees coming and blocks. You knew he would do this, so you take the chance to sweep his legs. Dean falls to the ground, and you climb on top of him, smirking at your victory.

"Okay, you got lucky there. I'd like to see you do that again," Dean says, narrowing his eyes.

"Fine with me," you say, letting Dean up.

You get ready again, you and Dean circling each other.

"You might as well give up, sweetheart, there's no way you're taking me down again," Dean says.

"Oh, we'll see, honey," you add, making fun of his pet names.

You decide to wait for Dean to make the first move this time. He takes the bait, and lurches toward you. You duck his advance, going under his arm and twirling around behind him. You get a jab to his kidney, which makes him hunch over. Though Dean is much taller than you, your size works in your favor now. Dean reaches out an arm to grab you, which you dodge. You swipe a kick behind his knees, which brings him down again. You climb on top of him and pin his arms.

"What do you have to say to that, Dean-o?" You ask, still pinning him.

Dean stares hard into your eyes, his face suddenly serious. "That was pretty good." He says, green eyes darting between yours. Your heart starts to speed up under his harsh stare.

Suddenly, you feel yourself being flipped over, your arms pinned above your head.

"Got ya." Dean says.

"Yeah, you did..." you say, feeling breathless.

Dean leans in closer, both of you panting, his breath mingling with yours. You catch his scent again, warm leather mixed with whiskey. It makes you feel almost dizzy.

"So...can I go on the hunt?" You ask, surprised you are able to complete a full sentence.

"Well here's the problem, darlin'," Dean says, still only inches from your face. "If something were to happen to you, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself."

"Why, Dean?" You ask, shaking your head. "Why do you care what happens to me?"

He pauses, unsure of how to answer you. He shakes his head. "I think you know why," he says, even closer than you thought possible.

Dean leans in, and you feel his soft, plump lips brush yours, silently asking your permission. You respond immediately, lifting your lips to meet his in a hungry kiss. Your arms are still above your head, and you feel Dean slide one of his hands down your arm, bringing it to cup your cheek. You bring your hand down and snake it behind his neck, pulling him closer and deepening the kiss. His tongue probes the entrance to your mouth, and you open for him, letting your tongues dance around each other.

You feel a sudden loss of warmth as Dean jumps up, breaking the kiss.

"I-I uh, think you'll be good. We-we'll just keep an eye on you and it'll be good," Dean says, stuttering. He turns on his heel and walks out of the training room, leaving you alone on the floor, confused as ever.

 


	10. The Truth

You jump up, following Dean down the hall to his room. You don't even bother knocking on the door, throwing it open and slamming it behind you.

"What is your problem?!?" You yell to Dean, who is sitting on his bed with his head in his hands.

"You should just go, Y/N," he says, not looking up.

"No. I'm not leaving until you explain to me why you keep running every time we have a moment."

"I don't run..." Dean starts to say.

"Don't give me that shit, Dean. We had a moment the other night after the bar and obviously just now, and you left both times. So what is it, Dean, do you like me or not?" You demand.

"I-I..." Dean stutters.

"What?" You demand again, urging him to say it.

"Yes, okay?! Yes, I like you. I like you so much that it scares me. I know we just met but I felt an instant connection to you. But that's what scares the shit out of me, Y/N. People I get close to get hurt. It happens every time! And I won't let that happen to you. You deserve better than that. You deserve better than me."

You feel your eyes well with tears. It saddens you that Dean could think so little of himself. You slowly walk over to where Dean is sitting and climb into his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Why don't you let me decide what I deserve?"

"Because, Y/N, you don't know how special you are. I can tell. I see it in the way you blame yourself for the death of your family. You don't understand...you are beautiful, strong, kind, loving...you get me to talk about my feelings, which ain't easy for me. And if your parents had to make the decision to make a deal and save you again, I know they would. Because you are worth it," Dean tells you, looking in your eyes again. You feel the tears spill over, and Dean reaches up to wipe them from your cheeks with his thumbs.

"If you believe all that, then give us a chance. Because, Dean, you are special, too. I know you are. The way you are protective of me...I know I got mad at you that night at the bar, but the truth is, it made me feel warm inside. To know that you care enough to be worried about me...a-and the way you are with Sammy. It reminds me of how I was with Evelyn. To know that you love him and that you feel so much love for your family...its just..." you are at a loss for words as tears continue to fall down your face.

Dean takes your face in his hands, silencing you with a small kiss. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. I really am. Everything in me tells me not to do this, but I don't think I can help it...I can't hold back any longer." He kisses you passionately again, this time bringing you to straddle him on his lap. You deepen the kiss, wrapping your legs around his waist and feeling as though your heart is going to burst.

After a few minutes, you and Dean lay back on the bed, out of breath. You turn your face back to his and smile. He wraps his arms around you and you snuggle into his chest, feeling tired, but happy. Dean kisses the top of your head and you feel yourself start to drift off, a smile on your face.


	11. The Hunt

Your first hunt is happening today. You feel a little nervous, but mostly excited. You get ready to go, packing a small duffel as the hunt is a few hours away and you plan to stay the night, depending on how the hunt goes. You put your hair up in a ponytail and put on what seems to be the hunters' choice in fashion: a flannel shirt, jeans, and combat boots. You step in front of the mirror and take a deep breath. I can do this.

Dean whistles as you walk into the kitchen.

"Lookin' good, darlin'," Dean says, placing his hands on your hips and kissing your forehead.

"Do I look ready to take on a werewolf?" You ask, striking a pose.

"Sure do. Just remember this is your first hunt, okay? You gotta stay back and do exactly as we say." Sam says, his tone serious.

"Don't worry, Sammy. I know I'm no expert or anything," you respond walking past him and giving him a pat on the shoulder on your way to the garage.

"Something tells me today will be interesting," you hear Sam say behind you.

"I heard that!" You yell from the garage entrance.

  
A few minutes later you're in the car, and a realization hits you.

"Hey, did you not think it was weird that Dean kissed my forehead earlier, Sam?" You ask.

Sam turns to you and rolls his eyes. "Well for one, Dean told me that you two finally got together. And two: it's not like I'm surprised. You two were so freakin' obvious that it would take a dunce to not know you were falling for each other."

You roll your eyes and lightly smack the back of his head. "Bitch."

"Jerk," Sam replies, smiling at you from the front seat. "And for the record, I think it's great that you two finally shared your feelings for each other."

"Thanks, Sammy," you say, feeling your heart warm. Having Sam around is like having a sibling again--and you love it.

"Alright, that's enough of this conversation. I'm putting on some tunes," Dean says, turning the dial on the radio. "Hotel California" comes on and soon you're all three belting out the lyrics, helping you to stave off your nerves about the hunt.

  
You pull up to an old house that looks like it's been abandoned for quite some time. Sam and Dean had found that the werewolf had set up camp in the small town of Norfolk, Nebraska. He was killing off people left and right, seemingly killing at random whether there was a full moon or not. The three of you creep into the house, trying to be as quiet as possible. You stay behind Sam and Dean with this being your first hunt and all, but hold your gun filled with silver bullets in front of you at the ready.

You come upon a small kitchen. As you turn the corner you hear a squelching sound, and you know you found your wolf. You look up and see a man bending over what appears to be a dead body of a woman, literally holding her heart in his hands and taking big bites out of it. Before he even turns around, Dean shoots his gun. He misses, clipping the wolf on the shoulder. The werewolf turns at lightning speed and you see his yellow eyes, claws, and fangs all showing as he lunges toward Dean. You and Sam both fire at him, and you land a silver bullet right to his heart. He falls to the ground with a large thud, dead.

"Well, that was pretty easy," Dean says, getting up and turning around.

"Yeah. Guess he wasn't a very observant wolf," Sam adds.

"At least it all went okay. See, I told you I wouldn't get hurt, Dean." You say, starting to turn around to walk back out to the car.

As you turn you hit something hard and solid. You look up and see a man looking down at you, his eyes pitch black.

"Well, there you are, honey. I've been looking for you," the demon says with a smirk.

Before you can even react, the demon turns you to face the boys, one arm around your middle and the other holding a knife to your throat.

"Don't you dare touch her," Dean snarls.

"Listen, boys, this has nothing to do with you. I'm just trying to fulfill a little deal I made a decade ago. So please, lower your little guns and we'll just be on our way," the demon says. You can feel his breath on your neck, and it makes you shiver in disgust.

"Not happening," Sam says, stepping towards the demon.

"I wouldn't do anything stupid, Sam. Wouldn't want little Y/N here to get hurt," he says, slicing the knife lightly into your neck. You let out a small whimper involuntarily. Dean stays put, unsure of what to do but knowing he doesn't want you to get hurt any more.

"Good boys," the demon says, pulling you back towards the exit with the knife still at your neck.

You get to the door and the demon makes the mistake of turning his back on the boys to try to get you to his car. You hear a thud and feel the demon's hand fall away from your neck.

"Exorcizamus te, omnis immundus spiritus," you hear Sam begin to chant. You turn to look at the demon on the ground, who is starting to jerk around violently. Just as Sam is about to continue, the demon's mouth opens and a pillar of black smoke emerges. It disappears, and there is nothing left but a dead man lying on the ground.

"I-is it dead?" You ask, looking at the man on the ground.

"Unfortunately, no. He smoked out before we could send him back to hell or stab him with the demon blade. He is probably out looking for another meat suit," Sam explains.

"Oh. Well, thanks for that, guys." You say, looking between the boys. Dean hasn't looked up from the man on the ground yet.

"Dean? You okay?" You ask hesitantly.

"No...no, Y/N, I'm not okay. You are not coming on any more hunts. This is exactly what I was afraid would happen. If he had gotten away with you...I don't even want to think of what could have happened." Dean says, shaking his head.

"Yeah, but he didn't. I'm fine, Dean. I think you're over reacting a bit. And you can't just say I can't go on any hunts anymore. It's my decision, and I want to help people," you say, standing your ground.

"Just get in the car, Y/N. We'll talk about this later," Dean says, turning towards the Impala.

You don't like how this conversation went, but decide to table it for now. Since the hunt was so short, you and the boys decide to just head back to the bunker. Half-way through the four hour trip, you start to feel your eyes droop. You let the soft rumble of the engine lull you to sleep.

You wake being carried once again to your room by Dean. He lays you down on your bed and turns to leave.

"Dean," you say, stopping him from leaving.

"What, Y/N?" He sighs, turning to face you.

"Don't leave," you say, a small crease forming between your eyes from worry.

Dean runs a hand through his hair. "It's just...this is exactly what I was afraid of, Y/N. I don't want to lose you. That demon got the jump on us. I don't know how he found us, but he ain't gonna stop until he gets what he wants."

You pat the spot next to you on the bed. Dean reluctantly lays down and opens his arms for you to snuggle into. You do, resting your head on his chest.

"Dean, I'm not going to live my life in fear of what this demon could do to me. If I did, I would never do anything with my life, and that's not what I want," you say.

Dean's voice rumbles in his chest and you feel it on your cheek. "I know. But if I keep you here, nothing can get you. You'll be safe."

"Yeah, but what kind of life would that be? I would just be sitting around waiting for you guys to get back from hunts or worrying that you won't come back. That's not me, and I think you know that."

"Yeah, I do," Dean says. "I just want to find and kill this son-of-a-bitch so I don't have to worry about this anymore and I know you'll at least be safe from him."

"We will, Dean. It's gonna be okay," you say, squeezing him tighter. You yawn and Dean places a kiss on your head before resting his cheek on it.

"Goodnight, sweetheart."

"Goodnight, Dean," you say, already feeling yourself falling asleep.

You dream of nothing but those pitch black eyes all night, and the different ways the demon tries to kill you have you waking with a start several times. Luckily, you don't wake Dean who would probably just worry more. Every time you wake, though, he subconsciously pulls you in close and you drift back to sleep feeling safe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang in there with me, the smut is coming soonish.


	12. A New Friend...Plus More

It's been three weeks since your first hunt. You've gone on a few more hunts, all fairly simple cases, and nothing crazy has happened like the first hunt. You've actually had the chance to take out a few monsters. It gave you a rush, and you loved that you were helping people that were terrorized by these monsters feel peace again.

Things with Dean have been good. You haven't done much besides kissing and finding out more about each other. You shared more about your past, and Dean did the same. Your past felt mundane in comparison, but it was still good to get to know each other on a deeper level.

Things had been slow the last few days as far as hunts go. You are in your room after a shower getting dressed when something catches your eye. It's the card on your dresser that Brian gave you the night at the bar. You had forgotten about him asking you to be in his band with everything that has happened since then. You pick up the card, and contemplate calling him. You love to sing, and it might be nice to have something to do when things are slow like they are now.

You feel arms wrap around your waist, and smell Dean's signature scent as he nestles his head in your neck. "Whatcha doin' there, darlin'?" He asks.

"I had forgotten about Brian and his band, and I was considering giving him a call," you reply.

"Hmm...Brian. Well, I can't say I won't be jealous of that guy spending time with you, but if singing is something you want to do, I think it's a great idea. I know I'd love to hear more of that beautiful voice," Dean says.

"It couldn't hurt to just see how it is, right?" You ask, turning to face him.

"Right. And if you decide to do it, I'll be there to cheer you on at every show. Just remember, Brian's a douche."

"You don't even know him!" You say, lightly smacking Dean on the shoulder.

"I don't have to, doll. I just know." He leans in, touching his forehead with yours. "Is this working?" He whispers.

"Trying to get me to hate a guy I just met so I won't fall in love with him? No." You chuckle.

"Okay. Well maybe this will help my case," Dean says, leaning in to kiss you. The kiss starts off soft and tender, but before you know it your tongues are mingling and it's become hot and passionate. Dean grips your face between his hands and pulls away, smirking. You stand there staring at him in a daze from the amazing kiss you just shared.

"Y-yeah, that'll work," you say, barely able to make a sentence. Dean turns and walks away, laughing to himself. You smile, grabbing your phone to call Brian.

 

 

Two weeks later it's time for your first show. Your band isn't all that popular, but you don't care. You're just excited to get up on the stage. Your shows will all be at the bar you frequent.

You're backstage, looking in the mirror to make sure you look okay. You decided to wear your tight black skinny jeans, your AC/DC shirt (tucked in at the front, of course), and some high heel booties. You're messing with your hair, which you've curled and left flowing over your shoulders, when Dean comes up behind you.

"You look great, darlin'," Dean says, kissing your cheek. "You're gonna be awesome tonight."

"Thanks, honey. I'm still pretty nervous," you say.

"Well maybe this will help," Dean says, holding a small, long box out to you.

"What's this?"

"Just a little something for luck," he says, opening the box. Inside is a small, simple square-cut diamond on a silver chain.

You gasp. "It's beautiful, Dean. I love it."

Dean takes the necklace out of the box and puts it around your neck. The diamond rests in the hollow of your neck perfectly.

"Thank you so much," you say, hugging and kissing Dean.

"Hey, Y/N, it's time," Brian says, walking up to you and Dean.

"Good luck, doll. I'll be in the crowd cheering you on," Dean says, giving you a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Well, here goes nothing." You say, and head onto the stage.

  
The show goes really well. You're in your element on the stage, and feel like you really sang your heart out.

You walk off the stage and down by the bar to meet Sam and Dean.

"Y/N! You were awesome!" Sam says, hugging you.

"Agreed. You did great, sweetheart," Dean says, leaning in to kiss you.

"Thanks, guys. I had a lot of fun." You see a pretty blonde standing a little off to the side. "Who's this?"

The blonde holds out her hand to you. "Name's Maya. Nice to meet you, Y/N."

"Nice to meet you, too," you say, shaking Maya's hand.

"Maya is an old family friend, the daughter of one of our dad's hunter friends," Sam says with a little twinkle in his eye and a half-smile. You can tell he's smitten. And why not? Maya has long, flowing blonde hair and beautiful blue eyes. She's definitely cute. _I wonder if I need to do some matchmaking..._

You all head over to one of the booths with your drinks. You sit next to Dean and Maya and Sam sit opposite you.

"So, Maya, what brings you around here?" You ask.

"Well I was passing through after I took out a vamp nest a couple hours east of here and figured I'd stop by and see my favorite boys," she explains.

"I see. Well that sounds pretty awesome. I'm new to hunting myself," you say.

"Oof. You're having these boys train you? Good luck," She says, laughter in her eyes.

Sam elbows Maya. "Like you have room to talk! Need I remind you who saved you when you were up against that vengeful spirit a few years ago?"

"Oh, you're right, Sam. My hero," Maya replies, clasping her hands together and batting her eyelashes at him. Sam blushes lightly. You were starting to really like this girl. You could definitely see the two of you being friends. You all enjoy a few drinks over the next few hours, laughing and talking the whole time.

"Well, I'm gonna hit the head and then I think I should get going," Maya says, getting up. She walks to the bathroom and you turn to Sam.

"Sam," you say, giving same a hard stare.

"What?" Sam asks, furrowing his eyebrows at your look.

"You can't let her leave!" You exclaim.

"What? Why?" Sam asks innocently.

"Oh, please, it's so clear that you are into her. You two have been flirting all night!"

"Psh, I don't known what you're talking about," Sam replies, looking to Dean to defend him.

"Sorry, Sammy, but Y/N's right. You two definitely have something going on," Dean says.

"Well, regardless, I can't make her stay!" Sam says.

"Don't worry, Sammy. I'll take care of it," you say with a wink.

Maya returns to your table. "Alright, fellas and lady, I'm gonna hit the road," Maya says.

"Hey, Maya, I feel like I'm just getting to know you. Don't you think you could stay for a few more days? We could totally use your help with the demon problem we were telling you about earlier," you plead.

"Well, I don't know...I don't want to be a bother," Maya replies.

"A bother, please, you couldn't be!" You say. You kick Sam under the table.

"Ow! Oh, uh, yeah, you wouldn't be. We'd love for you to stay!" Sam says. Dean nods in agreement.

"So it's settled. You'll stay with us for a few more days. We have plenty of room!" You say, getting up and wrapping your arm around Maya, heading to the exit.

 

Turns out having Maya around is awesome. Not only is it nice to have another girl around the bunker, but Maya is really cool. The two of you get along really well, and you are becoming fast friends. Sam and Maya have totally been flirting non-stop since she came to stay. The only problem is that Sam is really slow to make a move and Maya still thinks she is going to leave soon. _Not if I have anything to do with it._

The four of you are sitting down in the kitchen, eating a dinner of burgers and fries that you and Dean cooked. You're all laughing at Dean's eating habits--seeing as he chows down on burgers like they're his last meal.

"Well, dinner was great, if I do say so myself. I think Dean and I are going to head back and spend some alone time. You two have fun, though," you say, giving Sam a small wink. He gives you a death glare, but you know he's secretly happy.

"Not that I have anything against alone time, darlin', but what was that about?" Dean asks as soon as you reach his room.

"What, are you blind? Sam is totally in love with Maya. And I can tell that she wants him, too. So I'm just trying to give them the opportunity to make it happen."

"Huh, I guess you're right. I've only ever seen Maya as the little-sister type, but I think they would make a good couple. Not that Sam really needs your meddling, Y/N," Dean says with a disapproving stare.

"Well by the time Sam makes a move on his own we'll all be dead. I think my plan is a much better alternative, don't you?"

Dean chuckles and draws you in for a hug. "Oh, I love you, Y/N."

You both freeze, unable to move after hearing the words Dean just said. He pulls back to look at you, panic evident on his face. "Listen, Y/N, I know it's really soon to say that, and I'm sorry if I freaked you--"

"I love you, too," you say. Dean visibly relaxes, the tension leaving his body.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that, darlin'," Dean says, pulling you in for a kiss.

Your kisses quickly become urgent, and you feel Dean pushing you backwards toward the bed. The back of your knees hit the edge of the bed and he lays you back carefully without breaking apart from your lips. His hands roam up and down your body, following every curve. Your hands find his back and fist his shirt. Dean's hand slowly moves to your breast and rubs light circles. You moan in pleasure, glad to finally be going further with this man you love. The moan seems to spur him on, and before you know it he is pulling back, hands at the hem of your shirt silently asking permission to remove it. You give the smallest of nods and he lifts the shirt above your head, leaving your top half in just your black lacy bra. Dean's eyes widen and he lays back down, kissing his way down your neck and to the swell of your breasts. He rubs your hardened nipple from outside your bra. You have no patience for this, though, so you sit up and unclasp your bra, letting it slide off your arms.

Dean reaches up and pulls his shirt off. You stare at his bare chest, admiring the lines of his muscles. He lays back with you again, this time taking your nipple into his mouth, sucking and lightly biting, making you pant. You put your hands in his hair, urging him on. After giving each breast equal attention, Dean trails kisses down your torso before reaching the top of your jeans. You reach down and unzip them. Dean pulls them down fast, barely giving you time to wiggle out of them before his mouth is back to your stomach and making its way down your thighs with wet kisses. He hooks his fingers in your panties and asks permission with a look again. You nod, and Dean pulls your matching black panties down and off as well. He sits back and takes in your whole body, running his eyes up and down. "So damn beautiful," he says. He meets you back at your mouth, his kisses hot and urgent. His hand slips down between your legs and finds your warm center, touching you in all the right places.

"Dean..." you say, breathless.

"So wet for me," he says, fingers circling around your clit. You feel pressure starting to build and begin to pant again.

"Dean, oh, God, I'm close," you say, feeling euphoric.

"Come for me, darlin'," Dean says, looking right into your eyes. That sends you over the edge and you come, Dean continuing to rub you through your orgasm.

Dean sits back and begins to remove his pants. You see his large cock straining against his boxers. You are still feeling amazing, but you start to get a little nervous.

"Dean, I--" you begin, but are cut off as Dean's lips meet yours again. You are breathless, and reach down to palm his hardness. Dean grunts and moans.

"I want to be inside you," Dean says.

"I--I want that too, but..." you say, hesitating.

"What's wrong, doll?" Dean asks, concern lacing his features.

"It's just that, well, I was waiting for the right guy to come along before I...you know. And when my parents died my focus pretty much became Evy so I just never got around to...."

"You're a virgin?" Dean asks, incredulous.

Your cheeks redden. "It was just never the right time before," you turn your face away, embarrassed.

"Hey, darlin'," Dean says, pulling your face back to his. "There is nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, I respect the hell out of you for waiting this long. Lord knows I couldn't have." Dean kisses you lightly again. "We don't have to do anything you aren't ready to do."

"Thanks, Dean," you say. You feel yourself relax and start to get some confidence back. "I don't know if I'm ready to have sex just yet, but I can think of a few other things we can do..."

Dean smiles big, knowing exactly what you mean. "Sounds good to me," he says, kissing you passionately again.

You spend the rest of the night in bed, exploring each other. As you finally drift off to sleep, you smile just thinking about this man that actually loves you.

 


	13. Captured

A few weeks have passed, and you are feeling really happy. You and Dean are doing really well. You still haven't had sex, but you do plenty of other stuff and you are both okay with that.

Sam and Maya finally got together. You walked in on them making out late one night in the library. They looked at you, cheeks red, and all you said was, "Finally!" They laughed, and have been together ever since. Maya has decided to stay at the bunker for the time being. You have all been having a lot of fun, and work really well together as a team on hunts.

It's a Saturday afternoon, and the four of you are sitting in the entertainment room watching crappy horror movies (really just making fun of them). You run out of popcorn and snacks and volunteer to go get some.

"I'll go with you," Dean says.

"Dean, I'll be fine. Stay here and watch the movie. I know how to defend myself now, remember?"

Dean gives you a look that says he is still wary of you going on your own. "Okay," he sighs. "But if you run into any trouble call me immediately."

"You know I will," you say, smiling and giving Dean a quick peck on the lips.

"And be careful with Baby!" Dean yells as you walk out the door.

You roll your eyes. "I wouldn't dare damage your other girlfriend!" You yell back.

 

You get to the grocery store and scour the snack aisles for candy and popcorn. Next you head over to the bakery area to pick up a pie for Dean. You see a perfect looking apple pie. Just as you're about to pick it up, someone clears their throat behind you. You spin around and see a middle-aged man. The man is tall, but not nearly as tall as Sam or Dean. He's dressed in a black suit with a red tie.

"Hello, pet," the man says in a British accent. It's then that you realize who this is: Crowley. Sam and Dean had told you a lot about him. As the realization hits you try to grab your demon blade out of the waistband of your jeans. Crowley grabs your wrist, stopping you.

"Now, I wouldn't do that if I were you, Y/N. That little butter knife won't kill me anyway."

You rip your wrist from his grasp. "What do you want, Crowley?"

"Let's say we take this conversation somewhere a little more private, shall we?"

You try to run, but feel Crowley grab you by the shoulders. As he pulls his hand away from you to snap his fingers, you feel him catch the clasp of your necklace Dean gave you by accident. The clasp breaks and the necklace falls to the floor. Crowley snaps his fingers. You look around and see that you are not in the grocery store anymore. You are in what appears to be a fancy hotel room. There is a giant bed that looks extremely fluffy, a small kitchenette with a bar, a living room with a big flat screen TV, and a door that you're sure leads to a bathroom. All the furniture is black with red accents.

You see Crowley standing at the bar, mixing himself a drink. "It seems you've made quite an impression on one of my lower-level crossroads demons," Crowley says, slowly stirring his drink.

"Well, the bastard won't leave me alone. So it _seems_ an impression needed to be made," you reply.

"Mmm. Feisty. I like it," Crowley says, taking a few steps toward you.

You take a few steps back, putting some distance between you and the King of Hell. "If the demon is so 'lower-level,' then why are you involved?" You ask, putting your hands on your hips.

"Well, you see, darling, my demon says he found you in the company of the Winchesters. That's why I'm involved," Crowley replies.

"What do the Winchesters have to do with this?"

"Well, seeing as they helped you escape your dues--aka your soul--I've decided that I want to play with them a little bit. You may already know--the Winchesters and I go way back," Crowley says with a smirk.

Crowley pulls out your cell phone. _When did he take that?_ He begins to scroll through your contacts before tapping one. He puts the phone on speaker and you hear it begin to ring.

"Y/N, where are you? It's been an hour," you hear Dean say through the speaker.

"Hello, Squirrel," Crowley replies.

"Crowley? What's going on? Why do you have Y/N's phone?" Dean says urgently.

"Well you see, Y/N here owes a bit of a debt that her family couldn't pay. Since my incompetent demon couldn't finish the job, I thought I'd step in, especially since he told me you two were involved."

"If you touch a hair on her head, Crowley, I swear--" Dean begins.

"Oh, calm down. I was originally going to kill her for her soul, but where would be the fun in that? So I've decided I'm going to keep her. She may make a nice queen...or chamber maid. Whatever," Crowley says, looking at you.

"Dean, whatever he says, don't--" you begin, but are cut off when your voice seems to disappear. Crowley had snapped his fingers, effectively silencing you.

"Don't come looking for her, Squirrel. You won't like what you find," Crowley says. With that, he ends the call and pockets your phone.

"You son-of-a-bitch," you say, launching yourself toward him.

You stop mid stride, unable to move. "Now, now, pet, I don't want to see any of that. You are mine now. You will do as I say, when I say it. Are we clear?"

Unable to move on your own, you feel your head making a nodding motion.

"Good," I'll be back to get you for our dinner in a few hours. Please, enjoy yourself. There's a dress in the closet I'd like you to put on." With that, he disappears.

You begin pacing around the room, unsure of what to do. You look in all the drawers and cabinets, looking for anything resembling a phone, but find nothing. The doors are locked, obviously. You sit on the bed, trying to come up with a plan. You decide to look around for anything sharp. _Nothing_. You feel a little defeated. _What am I going to do?_

You decide to play Crowley's little game for a bit. If you're going to find a way out of this, you'll have to be clever. You put on the dress he left for you: a long red dress with a slit up the side and a plunging neckline.

An hour later you hear the door open, and get up to go greet your captor. Crowley's eyes travel up and down your body, admiring your curves in the dress he left you.

"You look ravishing, pet. I see you've decided to play nice?" Crowley says, reaching his hand out for yours.

"Well, I thought about my options and realized I didn't really stand a chance against the King of Hell. So I figured, why not do as he asks? I love this dress, by the way. Excellent choice," you say, batting your eyelashes at him in what you're hoping is an alluring way.

"I knew it would be perfect. I have an excellent tailor in Hell, believe it or not. And I think you've made a good decision. Makes things much easier for the both of us."

You take Crowley's hand and he leads you down a long hallway to a beautiful dining room. You try to take in your surroundings as much as you can, but you can't quite figure out where you are. It looks like a hotel, only there are no other guests and the wait staff seem to all be working for Crowley.

"Have a seat, my dear," Crowley says, pulling out a chair for you.

"Thank you," you reply, sitting down.

"Champagne?" A waiter asks.

"Absolutely," you reply. The waiter pours both you and Crowley a glass. _I hope this helps_ , you think, hoping the alcohol will you loosen up enough to pull off this act.

Throughout dinner you have polite conversation with Crowley, laughing at all his jokes and complimenting him whenever you get the chance. You can tell that he is already becoming smitten with you. After dinner, Crowley escorts you back to your room.

"Would you like to come in for a bit?" You ask, holding the door open.

"I would like that very much," Crowley says, a glint in his eye. You turn and walk into the room trying not to roll your eyes. You can't believe this is working. If you can get Crowley to trust you, there may be a chance for an escape.

You walk over to the bar and pour two glasses of whiskey. You hand Crowley his, walking past him and sitting on the edge of the bed with yours. You smile up at Crowley who takes the hint and sits down next to you.

"I have to say, darling, I'm surprised at how well you're taking all this. Aren't you something of an item with that Squirrel?" Crowley asks, narrowing his eyes.

You prepare yourself for what you're about to have to say. "Being with Dean was fun while it lasted, but let's be honest here: the Winchester train is going nowhere. You, on the other hand, have power. I find that extremely sexy," you say, inching closer and running your hand through Crowley's hair.

"I knew there was more to you than meets the eye," Crowley says, his mouth leaning towards yours. You ready yourself. _Just_ _have to catch him off his guard._  
Crowley captures your lips in a greedy kiss, shoving his tongue into your mouth. You try not to gag so you can continue to play the part as you raise your glass up, ready to hit him over the head with it. You bring the glass down, shattering it onto Crowley's head. You try to run, ready to make your escape out the door. Crowley grabs onto your wrist, spinning you around. He was clearly not affected by the glass hitting his head. A drop of blood trickles down his forehead, and he takes out his handkerchief and wipes it off calmly.

"Now, pet, that was not a wise move. I have to tell you, if you attempt something like this again there will be consequences. You have tonight to think about what you've done. If you choose to be my queen, then tomorrow we will continue on as if this didn't happen. If you don't, things will be changing for you."

With that Crowley turns and leaves, locking the door behind him. You stand there, frustrated as ever. You decide to go take a shower to wash the Crowley stink off of you. After a long shower where you scrubbed your skin raw, you come back to the main room, looking for something to wear to bed. You see a small pair of lacy panties and a very risqué lingerie top laid out for you on the bed. You know that Crowley has done this on purpose and there won't be any other clothes anywhere else. Preferring lingerie to being naked, you sigh in defeat and put the outfit on. You climb into the soft bed, trying to consider what you will do to try to escape next.

As you're about to fall asleep, you hear a light ping from across the room. You get up to find the source of the sound, and see that Crowley must have dropped your phone when you hit him earlier. You pick it up and see that the battery light is flashing, which was the ping you heard. You quickly dial Dean's number.

"Y/N! Sweetheart, are you okay?" Dean asks as soon as he answers.

"Y-yes, Dean, I'm okay." You respond.

"Where are you?"

"Crowley still has me. I can't figure out where I am and I don't have much time. He has me in what seems to be a hotel. It's old, but beautiful, and there isn't anyone else here."

"Okay, Y/N, listen to me. Just stay calm, Sammy and I will find you." Dean says, trying to comfort you.

"I know. I'll be okay. I love you, Dean." You respond.

"I love y--" Dean is cut off as your phone dies.

You look down at the black screen that was your last hope. You set the phone down where you found it and crawl into the bed. You lay there for hours, missing Dean and wishing for sleep to come. When it finally does, it's in the wee hours of the morning. You drift to sleep hoping that instead you'd wake up from this nightmare.


	14. Not so Comfy

You wake to a loud banging sound in your room. You open your eyes and immediately pull them shut as Crowley opens the drapes in your room, flooding it with bright light. "Oh, God, Crowley, what are you doing?" You ask, groaning.

"Well, my dear, it seems you and I need to have a little chat," Crowley says, walking over and yanking your covers off of you.

"Ugh, why?" You ask, annoyed that you are in front of him in just the lingerie he gave you.

"While you look delicious, pet, it seems you have broken my trust again."

Your heart speeds up. "What are you talking about?"

"I left your phone in here as a test. One of my demons was listening outside your door and reported to me that you called the Winchesters. That does not make me very happy, you see."

You stare at Crowley, waiting for him to tell you what he is going to do.

"I told you that you had a chance to change your mind. Your little stunt shows me that you are not fit to be my queen. So I think we'll have to take you elsewhere," he says, snapping his fingers.

You find yourself on the floor of what appears to be a dungeon. The floor is damp and the room smells of mold. There are shackles on your wrists and ankles, with chains that attach to the wall. There is a heavy metal door on the wall opposite you.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Crowley?" You ask, starting to panic.

"You are now my little toy, Y/N. I can keep an eye on you here. I can also work on my torture skills. This should prove to be pretty fun."

You pull at the shackles, a last-ditch attempt to escape.

"Pull all you want, darling, you are held here by magic," Crowley says. "I'll be back to see you soon. Enjoy your day," he says, walking out the door. You're left there in the dungeon, trying to figure out a way out of this. It had been maybe an hour when it started.

"Y/N."

You look up and see Evelyn. It's like she is standing right in front of you. You're confused, as you know you got rid of her ghost.

"Evy, is that you?" You ask, tears forming in your eyes.

"It's me. Why did you do this to me?" She asks.

"Do what?"

"It's your fault I'm dead. Everyone knows it. I died because you had to be saved," Evy replies.

"No...no, I would never...I didn't want Mom and Dad to make that deal. I would rather it have been me!" You say, pleading with her to understand.

"Well that's not what happened. And now I'm dead, and it's your fault," Evelyn says. She comes closer to you, and is holding a large knife.

"W-what are you doing, Evy?"

"I'm evening the score," Evelyn says as she plunges the knife into your abdomen.

You scream. The pain is like none you've felt before. You know this will kill you. Just as you're about to lose consciousness, Evelyn disappears. You realize, though your head is fuzzy, that this was a hallucination. Before you have any other thoughts, you succumb to the blackness.

 

Dean

"We have to find her, Sammy," Dean says, pacing around the library.

"I know, man, I know," Sam replies, following Dean with his eyes.

"Well where the hell could he have taken her? Do you think he has her in Hell?"

"I don't know, Dean. What Y/N described doesn't sound like what either of us saw in Hell," Sam says.

"Where the hell is Cas?" Dean asks angrily.  
"I don't know. I've tried calling him and praying and I've gotten no response yet."

They hear a whoosh of wings behind them.

"Cas! Where the hell have you been?" Dean asks, walking up to Cas and grabbing him by his trench coat.

"I'm sorry, I came as quickly as I could," Cas says in his deep voice. Dean considers this and lets Cas go.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to manhandle you. It's just that Crowley has Y/N and we need your help to find her before that bastard does anything to her."

"I know, I heard this in Sam's prayer. I've been searching everywhere and I think I figured out where she is. Crowley has Y/N in an abandoned hotel in California. You could drive there, or I could take you there, seeing as time seems to be of the essence," Castiel explains.

"Yes, take us there. We can't waste anymore time!" Dean yells.

Castiel takes hold of both Sam and Dean and transports them to the hotel. Dean takes in the abandoned outside and immediately starts running to the entrance, blade at the ready. When he gets inside, though, he sees that the place is empty. It is all re-done to look like a new hotel, but no one is there. Cas and Sam run in behind Dean.

"Cas, where are they?" Dean asks urgently.

"I don't know, Dean. They were here, but I think Y/N has been moved. Just from searching right now I can tell you that wherever they are has been guarded against me. I cannot find them," Cas replies.

"Well keep looking!" Dean yells. He isn't sure how they are going to find you, but he knows he has to. _This is all my fault_ , he thinks. Sam pats Dean on the back. "We'll find her, man. Don't worry."

Dean turns to Sam. "God, I hope so."


	15. Torture

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning!

You've lost track of time. It could have been days or hours since Crowley brought you to this room. So far, it has been non-stop hallucinations of your sister reappearing and getting revenge by killing you in so many ways you have lost count.

You hear the door open and look up from your slouched position on the ground. Crowley comes in, a long blade in his hand.

"Had a good day, love?" He asks. You spit in his face. Crowley calmly wipes the spit off himself. "I thought we could try something a little different," he says, holding up the blade.

Crowley tightens the chains to your shackles and you have no choice but to stand against the wall. He comes toward you with the blade and places it on the skin above your collarbone. With a quick motion, he slices into you. You bite down on your lip, drawing blood as you're trying not to cry out from the pain.

"Oh, brave, are we?" Crowley asks. He slices into your skin over and over, until most of your body is covered in blood and cuts.

"This was fun, Y/N," Crowley says, wiping the blade on his red handkerchief. "I'll be back to play soon."

With that he leaves, and you slump your head down to meet your chest. You feel woozy from loss of blood and the pain. You let the blackness take you again.

 

  
You wake and immediately feel the pain and soreness of all the slicing Crowley did into your skin. You notice that your tongue feels like sandpaper and wonder how long it's been since you had something to drink or eat. Just after you have the thought, the door to the chamber opens and a man steps inside. He looks to be about six feet tall and has shoulder-length brown hair and a long, pointed nose. You look at him but say nothing as you're not sure if he is real.

"Hello, Y/N," he says, eyes flicking black. You don't respond. "I'm here to bring you some food and water," the demon says, procuring a plate with a sandwich and a glass of water and bringing them over to you. He loosens your chains and you fall to the floor. The demon sets the plate and glass in front of you and you drink hastily, trying to quench this thirst you've had for days. You take a few bites of the sandwich and look up, realizing that the demon hasn't left yet.

"Crowley was right. You are a pretty little thing," the demon says, eyes scouring your body in the lingerie.

"You can go to hell," you say in a raspy voice.

"Snarky too. Just how I like 'em," the demon says, closing the door to the chamber and walking closer to you.

"You stay the fuck away from me," you say, inching backwards toward the wall.

"Or what, sweet thing?" The demon says, running his finger down your cheek, making you shiver in an unpleasant way. He tightens the chains again so you are left standing against the wall, the demon only inches from you.

"I don't think your boss would be very happy if you did anything to me," you say, looking for a way out of this situation.

"Oh, don't you worry about that. Crowley told me to have as much fun as I want when I bring you your food. So how bout we have some fun?" The demon asks, ripping your sheer top down the middle, leaving you exposed.

"No," you say, fearing the worst.

"Yes, little lady," the demon says, pawing at your breasts in a painful way.

"Please, don't do this," you beg. The demon just smirks and continues grabbing at your body. He rips your panties off as well, leaving you completely naked and shivering in the damp cold.

You do the only thing you can think of and try to head butt the demon. This only spurs him on, and now his lips are on yours, sucking and biting in an aggressive way. He slides his hand down to your center, sticking two fingers into you.

"Mmm, so tight. This is gonna be fun," he says, removing his fingers and unzipping his pants. You know there is no way to get out of what's about to happen. You feel the tip of his member at your entrance, and you just look away, preparing yourself for the pain you're about to feel. The demon thrusts all the way into you, painfully rubbing and tearing at your insides. He looks to you for a reaction, but you bite your lip to stop yourself from crying out in pain. _I won't give him the satisfaction._

The demon continues, and you keep yourself quiet, only letting one tear escape down your cheek despite the burning pain. When he finishes, he zips up his pants, leaving you dirty and bloody, hanging against the wall. Only when you are sure the demon is gone do you allow yourself to feel the pain, sobs taking over your body. Crowley has taken one of the most special things you possessed. You feel defeat taking over, and try to succumb to sleep or unconsciousness, the only place you feel peace.

 


	16. Rescue

It's been a few days since the visit from the demon. There have been no hallucinations, cutting, or anything else. Other demons have come and gone, leaving you food and water and letting you down off the wall. They bring you buckets to relieve yourself. They throw cold water and soap on you to keep you clean, presumably so you don't die of infection in your wounds. They never replaced your ruined clothes, but kept the chamber warm enough that you don't freeze without anything covering your naked body. There has been no sign of Crowley. You are beginning to wonder if he has forgotten about you when you hear the door open. You look up and see those gorgeous green eyes you've been longing for.

"Dean!" You say, unbelievably happy.

"Y/N." Dean says somberly, not moving from his spot.

"W-what's wrong? Aren't you going to come help me out of these?" You say, moving your wrists to indicate the shackles.

"And why should I, Y/N? Do you really think you deserve to be let out of here?"

"What are you talking about, Dean? What's going on?" You ask, panicking.

"I know what you did, Y/N," he says, taking a few steps toward you. "I know you let that demon fuck you. How could you do that? Clearly I was wrong about you. You are just a dirty little slut."

Your eyes well with tears. "D-Dean, I didn't want that to happen. How could you think that? I love you. I only want to be with you!" You try to explain.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't seem like it. That's fine, though, because I never loved you anyway. I just wanted to get in your pants. And now that someone else already has, you're worthless to me," Dean says, a hard glare in his eyes.

"Dean, please, don't do this. I never wanted for this to happen!"

"Well, it's too late now, Y/N," Dean says, pulling out his angel blade. He quickly walks up to you and stabs you through the heart. You feel a burst of pain. Before you lose consciousness again, you look up, only to see Dean disappear. He was just another hallucination, you say to yourself. But you can't help but feel heartbroken as you believe some of the things the fake-Dean said.

Weeks go by with more of the same. Crowley keeps you alive, but just barely. You lose weight fast, the curves you used to love turning into jutting bones and sharp angles. You continue to have hallucinations of Dean, just as angry as the first time. They are accompanied by visions of your sister, Sam, and Maya, all finding new ways to kill you. Though the hallucinations are fake, the pain is real, and you feel your mind starting to slip. You have fresh wounds on your body every few days from both Crowley and his lackeys. You lose track of time, but know it has been a long time since you were taken to this place. You begin to believe that Dean and the others some how found out what happened to you and decided you weren't worth it anymore, ending their search. You cease to care if you live or die, and decide to not feel anything at all.

 

Dean

It has been months since you were taken. Six, to be exact. Dean sits slumped in one of the cushy chairs in the library, rubbing his eyes with his hands.

"Man, you gotta try to get some sleep," Sam says, walking in with Maya.

"I know, dude, but it's hard. I miss Y/N so much and I can't believe we haven't found her yet. And that's if she's even still alive."

"Don't think like that, Dean. If Y/N was dead Castiel would know. We're gonna find her."

"Yeah, Dean, Cas hasn't stopped looking since she was taken. And we've tortured so many demons, one is bound to give up the info at some point," Maya adds.

"Thanks, guys, but I just keep thinking of her stuck with Crowley and everything that could be happening. I don't know if he made her his 'queen' or if he has killed her. It's making me crazy."

"Well don't forget that Y/N is tough. She's a fighter. Remember when we met her? She was tougher than anyone we've ever seen who has been through all that shit," Sam says.

"She is tough. I just hope it's enough," Dean replies.

They hear a whoosh of wings and see Cas appear across the room, holding a bloody man by the collar.

"Cas, what the hell?" Dean asks.

"This demon knows where Y/N is," Cas replies. Dean feels a small seed of hope in his chest. He doesn't want to get his hopes up, because this kind of thing has happened before and led to nothing but a dead end and a dead demon.

"Are you sure, Cas?" Sam asks.

"Yes. This demon is particularly weak. It didn't take much to get him to admit he knows where she is."

"Why are you giving up this info? This some kind of trap?" Dean asks the demon.

"I hate Crowley. You don't have to do much to convince me to turn on him, King of Hell or not," the demon replies.

"Cas, do you have the info we need?" Maya asks.

"Yes," Castiel replies.

Cas looks to Dean to see what he wants him to do next. Dean gives Cas a small nod. Cas puts his hand to the demon's forehead and a bright light appears. The demon's body drops to the ground, dead.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go get our girl," Sam says with a smile, clapping Dean on the back.

 

Cas has taken the four of them to the location where Crowley has been keeping you. It's an abandoned-looking building in a small town in the middle of North Dakota. It has been heavily warded. Castiel points out what needs to be changed so he can get in, and Sam and Dean paint over the sigils so Cas can enter.

They enter the building, all with demon blades held at the ready. They encounter a few demons during their search for you, but are able to kill them quickly and quietly so no one is alerted of their presence. They reach a heavy door at the end of a long hallway, and Dean knows that this is where you are. It's like he can feel it.

Dean pushes open the door and gasps at the sight in front of him.

You are there, chained to the opposite wall and slumped over. You are naked, thin--much too thin--and your skin is marred with hundreds of scars and some wounds that look to be fresher. Your hair hangs limply in your face, and your eyes are sunken in. When you hear the sound of someone at the door, you look up. Your eyes are lifeless. Rather than looking happy to see Dean, you look saddened, and cast your eyes back down.

"Oh my God...Y/N," Dean rushes up to you and reaches out. You flinch away in fear. Dean is confused and wonders why you aren't happy to see him. "Y/N?"

You look up at Dean with your dead eyes. "Just do what you have to and go away," you reply.

"Y/N, sweetheart, I'm here to rescue you," Dean says, lightly touching your face. You jump and pull your head away.

"What, you don't want to tell me what a slut I am and kill me?" You ask sarcastically.

"What? Cas, what's wrong with her?" Dean says, turning back to address Cas in the doorway.

Cas pulls Dean aside. "I don't know for sure without touching her, but I would guess that Crowley not only performed physical torture on Y/N, but psychological as well," Cas explains.

"Psychological? Meaning what?"

"Meaning he probably used the people she loves most against her," Cas says, looking past Dean and at you.

"Okay, well we can deal with all this later. We gotta get her out of here before someone sees us," Sam says, walking over to you to start working on your shackles. "Cas, can you get these off of her?"

Castiel holds up a hand toward you, and the shackles come falling down. You begin to fall, and Dean runs up to catch you. He holds onto you, and you seem to be a little out of it. You look up at Dean and start to panic.

"Don't hurt me! I didn't do it on purpose! Please, just let me go!" You scream, struggling to break free of Dean's hold. Dean furrows his eyebrows, trying to understand what you're saying.

"Dean, we have to keep her quiet, someone will hear," Maya says.

Dean struggles to keep you from kicking. "Y/N, darlin', this is real. I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to take you home!" Dean tries to reason with you.

"No, no! Let me go!" You scream, still thrashing around.

"Cas, a little help here?" Dean asks. Cas walks up to you and touches your forehead with two fingers. You immediately go limp in Dean's arms, fast asleep. Dean looks at you, horrified at what Crowley has done. He doesn't allow himself to think about it, though, choosing to focus on getting you home safe. He removes his jacket and wraps it around your exposed body.

"Let's get out of here," Dean says.

They all run to the exit, Dean carrying you in his arms. He doesn't know what will happen when you all get home and you wake up, but he is just glad to finally have you back in his arms.

 


	17. Waking Up

You wake confused and disoriented. You look around to find that you're in your room at the bunker. You begin to breathe heavily, unsure if this is real or another hallucination. You hear movement from next to you, and realize that someone is holding your hand. You look to your right to see Dean sitting in a chair next to your bed. He must have been asleep, as you see him lifting his head to look at you. He must have heard your loud and panicked breathing.

"Y/N, it's okay, you're safe now," Dean says, squeezing your hand. You're still unsure if any of this is real. Crowley is creative, and you wouldn't put it past him to create a fantasy like this for you, only to rip it away. You pull your hand away quickly. Dean gets a look on his face that is almost hurt, but it is gone as quickly as it came.

"How can I even know this is real?" You ask, your voice raspy from sleep.

"Y/N, darlin', I promise you this is real. You're safe," Dean says, looking deep into your eyes. Something about the way he looks at you causes you to believe him. No matter what Crowley came up with for fake-Dean to say or do, he could never recreate the look Dean is giving you now.

"W-what happened?" You ask, slowing your breathing. Dean has a small look of relief.

"Crowley had you in that place for six months, Y/N. We searched for you everyday, I swear. He had it so heavily warded that even Cas couldn't find it. We were finally able to get the location out of one of his demons."

The mention of demons brings all the memories of your time with Crowley flooding back. You gasp, bringing your hand to your mouth. It's then you realize that this is the first time in months that you have a lack of physical pain. You sit up and look all over your body and see nothing is there but skin and bones.

"Cas healed you. It took a while, there was a lot..." Dean trails off, a look of pure sadness on his face. It's clear he feels guilty over everything that happened to you. You want to feel bad for him, but every time you start to, memories of Dean killing you over and over and calling you the most horrible things enter your mind.

"D--do you think I could talk to him? Alone?" You ask.

"Uh..yeah, sure. He's in the library with Sam. I'll go get him." Dean is confused by the request, but gives you one last look of pity and leaves the room. You wanted to talk to Cas for a reason.

"Y/N." Cas says, entering the room. "I'm glad to see you're awake."

"Yeah, thanks for healing me, Cas." You say, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"It took much of my power to do so. You had been harmed in many places more than once."

"Yeah, about that. I was wondering...did you heal...everything?" You ask, feeling awkward.

"If you're referring to your reproductive organs and the scar tissue there, yes." Cas says, not missing a beat. "I am unable to restore you to exactly as you were, but you shouldn't have any pain there anymore."

You know he is saying that he can't make you a virgin again. You aren't that surprised, though. "And the memories?" You ask.

"I'm sorry, Y/N, but I'm not able to fix your psychological damage. My powers allow me to only heal physical wounds."

"That's okay, Cas, you've done enough. Thank you, again," you reply.

"You're welcome. And Y/N...I saw everything you went through when I healed you. I wish I could make it so the thoughts didn't plague you anymore, but just remember, you're safe now, and Dean isn't the bad guy."

"I know. I think it's just going to take a while."

Castiel nods and leaves your room. Dean immediately comes back in. He walks toward the bed and you unconsciously flinch away from him. He stops in his tracks.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I don't know what that dick did to you, but I know it has something to do with me and that's why you're afraid of me now. Just know, I would never hurt you. I'm gonna give you some space for a bit. Sam and Maya will be in to check on you soon," Dean says, turning and leaving the room.

You don't know how to feel. On one hand you missed Dean so much when you were gone. On the other, it had been drilled into your head that Dean would hate you for what you went through. You lay back on the bed, feeling tears slip down your cheeks. You touch them, surprised. You didn't think you could even cry anymore.

 


	18. Movie

Days go by and you slowly start to feel a little bit better. You sleep most of the time, which Cas said to expect. Though he was able to heal your body, you had still been through a lot, and it weighed down on you heavily. While you don't have anymore wounds, you are still fairly weak from malnutrition. Because of this you have Maya help you with simple tasks like showering and dressing. She even cuts your hair for you, and you start to feel a little more human. You eat as much as you can, but it is hard to finish a full meal because you are used to a diet of so little. You feel your strength slowly returning from all the rest and food, though.

Things with Dean are still rough. He respects your space, making sure to not actually touch you, even though he will still put his hand on your lower back or brush your arm out of habit. You try your hardest not to flinch away when this happens, and you're sure he notices. You've had little conversations here and there, usually about easy topics like the weather or whatever hunts the boys are going on. You've yet to talk about what happened in the time when you were with Crowley, but you know it will have to happen sometime.

You're sitting in the library reading through some books on vampire lore when Dean comes in.

"Hey, uh, Y/N? I was just gonna watch a movie, and I wanted to see if you're interested," he says.

You look at him, taking a little time to just study his face. There is no sign of malice or anger, just soft eyes and the half-smile you always loved.

"Uh, if you don't want to, that's fine, I get it--" he says, noticing your pause.

"I'll watch with you," you say, interrupting him. You get up and walk toward the entertainment room. Dean just watches as you pass by, clearly shocked that you said yes.

Dean follows you into the entertainment room and you sit on the couch. Dean sits on one end, leaving a cushion's worth of space between you. He turns on the movie, some slapstick comedy you've never seen.

The tension in the room is palpable. You feel that the longer you spend with Dean at one time, the more comfortable you are, almost as if you could go back into your old ways with him.

"Y-you could scoot a little closer, if you want," you say, hesitantly. You hate how scared and vulnerable your voice sounds. _It is what it is,_ you think.

You see Dean's eyes light up and he moves over immediately. He's cautious, only getting close enough to place his arm against yours. You fall into a comfortable silence, continuing to watch the movie. Before you know it, your eyelids feel heavy, and you fall asleep.

"Y/N, Y/N, sweetheart, wake up!" Dean says, shaking your shoulders.

You open your eyes and feel your body shaking. You notice you're laying down on the couch, your head in Dean's lap. You look up at Dean.

"W-what happened?" You ask.

"You fell asleep, and you were having a nightmare. You started screaming so I woke you up," he replies.

The dream comes back to you. You were back in the chamber Crowley held you in. Dean had come in, carrying the same blade he always had. He was calling you a slut and slowly cutting up every inch of your skin. You remember the pain like it was yesterday. You know then that you must have been calling out and pleading in your sleep. You look back into Dean's eyes and see the pain there.

"Did I say anything?" You ask.

Dean just looks back at you, hurt clear in his eyes.

"I was saying your name, wasn't I?"

"Yes. And not in a good way," he says, putting his head down and closing his eyes. You sit up and reach your hand to his face slowly, his pain tugging at your heart. You place your hand on his cheek and and turn his face to yours.

"Dean, I know all this has been hard on you. It's not your fault. I'll be able to move past it eventually. It just may take some time," you say.

Dean looks into your eyes and starts to lean forward. You let him, feeling his lips touch yours lightly. Suddenly you are back in that chamber, and when you open your eyes it is a demon kissing you instead of Dean. You pull back quickly, scooting back on the couch until you nearly fall off. You close your eyes tight, trying to bring yourself back into reality. When you open your eyes, you see a pained expression on Dean's face.

"I'm sorry," he says. With that he gets up and leaves the room. You hear the sound of the garage door opening and shutting and the rumble of the Impala's engine. You put your head in your hands and cry quietly, wishing you could make the memories go away.


	19. Chapter 19

A few hours later you're in your bed, trying to sleep when you hear a loud crash come from down the hall. You look at the clock and see that it's three in the morning. You know it must be Dean getting back from the bar, where he probably went to try to forget everything that's happening with you. You decide to go try to find him and make sure he's okay.

You reach the kitchen and see Dean slumped on the floor, trying to pick up the pieces of the glass he dropped.

"Dean?"

"Oh, hi there, darlin-in'," he says, slurring his words.

"What are you doing, Dean?" You ask, shaking your head. You see that he's cut his hands on the glass.

"Well, I'm just trying to pick up this d-damned glass I broke," he says. "I may be a little drunk," he whispers.

You chuckle to yourself. "Okay, kid, let's get you to bed," you say, reaching your hand out to help him up.

"Oh, no, no, Y/N...don't touch me. It just makes you sad," Dean says, trying to get up on his own. You frown, feeling guilty for the way you've been treating him. It's not his fault that this happened to you. You don't want the flinching to be how you react to him. You do still love him. And let's face it, he's like Bambi right now. Who could be scared of that?

"It's fine, Dean. Let me help you."

He looks up at you, fear in his eyes. He reaches his hand out and hesitantly takes yours. You pull him to his feet, glad that you don't feel scared at touching him. When he's on his feet, he immediately starts to sway. You put your arm around his waist and he puts his around your shoulders for support.

"Alright, hold on to me," you say.

_"Baby hold on to me  
Whatever will be will be,_" Dean sings in an off-key voice as you weave down the hallway.

"Okay, Eddie Money, let's get you to bed," you say, laughing at his drunk antics.

You get him to his bed and he plops down. You reach down and pull off his shoes for him. "Alright, lay back and go to sleep."

"Mmm, okay, darlin'," Dean says, laying back and already falling asleep. "I love you, Y/N," he says, drifting off.

Your heart swells. How could you be afraid of him? He's like a puppy. Nothing like the the Dean you saw in the chamber. You lean down and kiss him on the forehead. "I love you too, Dean," you say. A smile graces his face, even though you're pretty sure he's already asleep. You contemplate leaving, but decide to stay with him in case he needs you. You slip under the covers with him and he immediately opens his arms to you unconsciously. You snuggle up to him, and feel your eyes getting heavy. You fall asleep, the most peaceful sleep you've had in a long time.

When you wake up, you reach your hand over next to you and find that Dean is gone. You look at the clock and see that it's ten in the morning. You can't believe how well you slept. You stretch out your arms, and decide to go toward the smell of coffee wafting from the kitchen.

When you get to the kitchen, you see Sam and Dean sitting at the table, Sam eating breakfast after having gone for a run, and Dean hunched over his cup of coffee looking miserable.

"Morning, boys!" You say louder than necessary. You see Dean flinch and grab his head. You chuckle lightly, grabbing a mug to get yourself some coffee.

"You seem like you're in a good mood this morning," Maya says, walking in behind you and giving you a quick side hug.

"I think I am. I know I'm still not 100%, but it's amazing what a good night's sleep seems to have done for me." You turn to Dean. "How'd you sleep?"

"The sleep was great. This hangover is not," he replies. He looks at you, though, and smiles. You can tell he's saying thank you for last night and for staying with him. You give him a smile back.

"God, Dean, you were so loud when you came home in the middle of the night. Thank you, Y/N, for getting him to bed and shutting him up," Sam says, breaking the silence. Dean reaches over and punches him in the shoulder.

"So, you guys have any plans for today?" Maya asks everyone.

"To be honest, I'm really sick of sitting around. I've gotten a lot of my energy back. I think it's time to get out and do something," you say. Dean's head shoots up and his panicked eyes meet yours.

"Y/N, I don't know if that's a good idea. We still haven't heard from Crowley and there is no way I'm going to let him take you again," Dean says.

"Dean, I know. I get it, trust me. But I can't let Crowley run my life. I just won't go anywhere by myself. As long as you guys are okay babysitting me, I'm willing to agree to that."

"Well I think that sounds like a good idea," Sam says. Dean glares in his direction and Sam gives him his best bitch face back.

"Okay, then! First thing I'd like to do: eat. I feel like I haven't had a real meal in months. I think I'm ready now," you say, mouth watering at the thought of a burger and fries.

 


	20. What Happened

A couple hours later you are all walking back into the bunker from lunch.

"Oh my God, I am stuffed. That was amazing," you say, holding your stomach.

"Yeah, that place was awesome. And greasy food was just what I needed for my hangover. I feel much better," Dean adds.

"Yeah, well, you two were disgusting to watch. Maybe you should consider eating a salad every now and then," Sam says as Maya nods in agreement.

"Oh please, Sammy. Where's the fun in eating rabbit food all the time? I don't even know how that stuff keeps you going during a hunt," you say.

Sam rolls his eyes and turns to Maya. "Come on, Sam, let's go for a walk and leave these two to rot from all their nasty food," Maya says. The two of them leave the bunker, holding hands.

You smile at them, glad that after all the time you were gone they're still together. You realize then that you're left alone with Dean, who is leaning against the kitchen counter, watching you. "Whatcha smilin' at, darlin'?" He asks.

"I just like seeing those two together. Makes me glad they lasted the whole time I was gone," you respond.

"Yeah, they're a good couple. Both health freaks, which is kind of annoying, but at least she keeps him from getting a big head."

You walk a little closer, standing opposite him. "Guess I did a good job matching them up, huh?" You say cockily.

"Yeah, yeah, don't be too proud of yourself there, doll. It would have happened anyway, I'm sure."

You roll your eyes. Just as you're about to spit out a witty comeback, Dean's phone rings. He looks at the caller ID and growls in the back of his throat.

"Crowley," he says as he answers. He puts the phone on speaker so you can hear why the bastard is calling. You feel nervous at the mention of his name and you're not sure how hearing his voice will affect you.

"Hello, Squirrel," Crowley responds.

"What do you want?"

"I was just calling to say that obviously I've noticed that you took my little toy from me. I was going to come after her, but decided against it. It's more trouble than she's worth. So no need to come after me or anything, I shan't be bothering you anytime soon," Crowley says.

"Well, that's just great, Crowley, I guess we can all just be friends now. Oh wait, you tortured and nearly killed my girlfriend. So that ain't happening. I see you again, I'm going to kill you." With that Dean ends the call and puts his phone on the counter. He looks at you to see how you're doing.

"S-so does that mean it's over?" You ask.

"Nothing's ever over when it comes to Crowley. But I think it means we don't have to worry for a while," Dean replies, a half-smile on his face.

You smile back, glad you won't have to look over your shoulder all the time. You move in closer to Dean, who opens his arms to you. He engulfs you in a hug, and you stand like that for a long time.

"Thank you, Dean. I know I haven't been easy to live with," you say.

"Don't you even worry about it for one minute, darlin'. I love you, and I wouldn't give up on you, ever."

"I'm glad to hear that," you say. You hesitantly stand on your tip toes and give him a light kiss, which he returns.

"Y/N, I have to ask...will you ever want to tell me what happened to you in the six months you were gone? I mean, I can guess a lot of it, but I just wanted you to know that if you need to talk, I'm here for you," Dean says.

You feel tears well in your eyes. You had missed Dean so much, and to hear this side of him--the real side, not what you saw in those hallucinations--makes you realize even more how much you missed him. You think about telling him what happened to you.

"Dean...I want to tell you. I know I need to talk about it. It's just...I'm afraid of what it will do to us. I don't want things to change if you know what happened in that chamber," you say, holding back tears.

"First of all, I think things have already changed, Y/N. There's no way to avoid that. And secondly, we've been through so much shit, I doubt anything you tell me could be worse."

"I guess you're right. It's gonna be hard, but I think I need to talk about it," you say. _Some things you're going to find out anyway,_ you think to yourself.

 

That night, you and Dean are lying on his bed. Dean is telling you about everything that happened while you were away--which really wasn't much as they spent most of their time looking for you. There's a silence between you after he comes to when they rescued you, and you know that he's waiting for you to tell him about your time with Crowley.

"Well...you know where things started off for me. That hotel. It was nice there, and I really should have just played Crowley's little game and been his 'queen.' But I couldn't bring myself to do it. He's just caused so many people so much pain, and to just be by his side, hoping that I'd one day get away...I couldn't stay there. So I played his game for one night...I tried to get away by smashing a whiskey glass over his head. It didn't work, obviously. Then that night was yours and my last phone call. I didn't know it till the next morning, but he had put the phone there as a test. He didn't like the results. So he moved me to that chamber where you found me," you explain.

"Before you go on, I just wanna tell you that I'm glad you didn't play his game. He doesn't deserve to have a queen. Fake love or not," Dean responds, stroking your cheek. You smile, but prepare yourself for the next part of the story.

"You saw what it was like in that chamber. Damp, cold, dirty...I felt like an animal, chained to the wall, eating off the floor...although most people treat their animals better than that," you say. Dean's eyes grow a shade darker with anger. "He tortured me. Not only did he practice his carving skills on all of my body, but he also made me have hallucinations nearly constantly. It started off with Evelyn. She would come in, blame me for her death and kill me. Then he got more creative. He added Sam and Maya...and you." You look to Dean who has sadness in his eyes.

"What did I do to you?" He asks.

"Same as the others. It always ended with you killing me. The pain was unbearable. I would feel all of it, but never die. I wanted to die so many times when I was in there. I just wanted it to be over," you say, looking down at your hands.

Dean lifts your chin with his hand. "Well I'm glad you didn't give up," he says, looking into your eyes.

You smile a little. Dean's eyebrows furrow in confusion. "But wait, when we found you, you had no clothes on. Did he really keep you naked in there the entire time? How did you not die of hypothermia?"

"Well he kept it pretty warm in there so I wouldn't. And when I came in I had lingerie on that Crowley made me wear. That is until--" you cut yourself off, not really wanting to take the conversation there.

"Until what, Y/N?" Dean says, eyebrows still furrowed.

"Uh--u-until..." you say, trying to think of a way out of this.

"Y/N, you can tell me anything. Just--just tell me what happened." You can tell Dean has an idea of where this is going, but won't believe it until you tell him. You feel a tear slip down your cheek.

"The first time it happened was a few days after I got to that chamber. One of Crowley's demons came in and--and...he ripped off my clothes. I-I had no way to stop him. I was chained to the wall. He took it, Dean. He took my virginity." You stop to wipe the tears that are falling down your face. "After that they took turns most days--all his demon lackeys. It became a new form of torture. C-Cas was able to fix the internal damage they did, but it's still gone. It's just..it's gone..." you trail off, holding your arms around your middle while sobs rack your body.

You eventually look up at Dean, who hasn't moved in the last minute. "D-Dean?" You ask hesitantly.

"Son-of-a-bitch." Dean says, anger written all over his face. With that, he gets up off the bed and leaves the room. You hear the telltale sound of the Impala's engine roaring to life, followed by the sound of Dean peeling out of the garage.

You sit in shock, then realization sets in. He left. Your hallucinations were right. He blames you for what happened. He doesn't want you anymore. You're damaged, useless. You feel yourself fall back on the bed, and curl into a ball. No tears come as you're willing yourself to feel nothing. The pain still comes, but you just stare at the wall across from you, your mind blank.


	21. Chapter 21

Dean

The Impala speeds down the highway three hours from home as Dean heads toward that warehouse in North Dakota, the last place he knew where Crowley was. He knows what he has to do: find Crowley and all his minions and kill every single one of them. He couldn't believe they had ra--he doesn't even want to think of the word. They have to die, all of them. Dean's knuckles turn white as they grips the steering wheel and he speeds up even more.

His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He looks at the caller ID to see that it's Sam calling. He picks up, not losing any speed.

"What, Sam?" He asks angrily.

"Dean, where are you?" Sam's says urgently.

"I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere on the highway. I'm going to kill that son-of-a-bitch Crowley," Dean grinds out.

"What? Well, first of all, that's stupid. You can't take on him and all his demons alone. Second, I think you need to get back here," Sam says with concern in his voice. Dean picks up on it. "Why, what's wrong? Is Y/N okay?" He asks.

"That's the thing...we're not sure if she is," Sam responds.

"Sammy, what's going on?"

"Well Maya and I came looking for you guys a little bit ago to see if you wanted to hang out, and when we went in your room to find you we found Y/N curled up in a ball on your bed, just staring," Sam explains.

"Staring? What do you mean?"

"I mean she's literally just staring at the wall blankly and she won't respond to us. We tried to get her to sit up and out of her little ball but when we did she started screaming something about how she's sorry and she didn't mean to."

Realization hits Dean like a bat to his head. "Oh, God. I'll be there soon." With that he hangs up the phone and pulls a quick u-turn. He speeds up even more to try to get home faster. He can't believe he didn't realize what his leaving would do to you. He heard you when he rescued you, saying things about being sorry and 'not doing it on purpose' and about him calling you a slut. You said the same things in your sleep. The hallucinations must have been him being angry at you for what happened. Dean shakes his head. He in no way blames you for what happened. He's only mad at Crowley. But he sees now how it must have seemed when he left after you told him about being raped. You think he blames you, and it crushed you. He knows he has to get back and set things right.

 


	22. Chapter 22

You  
You hear voices in the hall that sound like they're arguing. You decide not to listen to it, and continue to block out as much feeling as you can. If you let the pain of rejection and loss fully in, you know you wouldn't make it. You lay there for a few more minutes, when something gets your attention.

"...sweetheart. You have to look at me. Y/N! Y/N." You focus your eyes and see that Dean is kneeling by the side of the bed, his eyes level with yours.

"D-Dean?" You ask, your voice almost a whisper.

"Yeah, darlin', it's me," he replies, a half-smile on his face.

"But I-I thought..." you can't find the words to continue.

"Shh, I know. It's all my fault, Y/N," he says. He stands up. "Can I hold you?"

You don't understand what's happening, but you sit up and let him get in the bed behind you, holding you in his arms.

"Listen, Y/N, I'm an idiot," Dean begins.

"You're not an idiot, I--" you start to say.

Dean cuts you off. "Just let me say this, okay?" He asks, his eyes darting between yours. "I shouldn't have left. I didn't think through what I was doing and how you would take it. I left to go find Crowley. I wanted to kill that bastard and his demons for what they did to you. It was all I could think about. It's not an excuse, though. I should have stayed with you. You shared something with me that I know was difficult to relive. You have to know though, Y/N, I don't blame you. I could never blame you. What they did to you was unspeakable, and I know it's in no way your fault. I don't know what that other version of me called you, but to me--the _real_ me--you are perfect. I would never think less of you, especially for something that was so completely out of your control. I love you, Y/N, and I don't want you to ever doubt that."

You feel tears cascading down your face. You briefly wonder if this could be a dream. But no, this is real. You know this is real and that you somehow got lucky enough to be with the man of your dreams.

"I know it may take some time for you to trust me again, and I'm willing to--"Dean starts to say. You cut him off with a kiss. He's tense at first, but then begins to relax and melt into your body.

You pull away. "Thank you, Dean. I love you, too."

Dean puts his finger under your chin and pulls you in for a chaste kiss. He then lays down, bringing you with him and pulling you in tight to his chest. "I just want to hold you, darlin'. I missed you so much. I'm just so glad to have you in my arms again."

You smile and sigh contentedly. You feel warm, loved, and safe. You drift off to sleep easily in the comfort of Dean's arms.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story will be coming to a close soonish!

You wake up and immediately notice how warm you are. You feel something heavy over your middle, and remember that you fell asleep in Dean's arms. You smile, remembering your conversation last night. You would love to stay there all day, but your bladder is protesting. You quietly slip out of bed, making sure not to wake Dean. You smile at his sleeping form, loving how peaceful he looks when he sleeps. You head out of the bedroom and down the hall to the bathroom. After you do your business you decide to hop in the shower since you're there. You let the warm water wash over you and soothe you.

Drying off, you step out of the shower and put on your bra and underwear you had the forethought to grab on your way out of the room. You stand in front of the full-length mirror, observing your body.

You look at your sharp angles and bones poking out everywhere. Though you had managed to put on a few pounds since coming back to the bunker, you are still too thin and you've lost a lot of muscle mass. You run your hands over your skin, remembering the feel of all the scars that used to mar your skin. You furrow your brow, getting angry at the memory. You feel two strong arms wrap around you, and Dean nuzzles his head into your neck.

"Whatcha doin', darlin'?"

"Good morning," you say with a smile. "I'm just thinking."

"Thinking about what?" He asks, kissing your neck.

"Well, I was just looking at my body, and...I guess I'm just tired of being the victim." You respond.

"Well, Y/N, you've been through a lot. It's not like its easy to get over," Dean says, turning you to face him.

"I know, and I know its going to take a long time for the pain of what happened to go away. But I'm tired of feeling weak. I wasn't like this before I was taken, and I want to get back to the way I was. Or as close to that as I can."

"So what're you gonna do?" He asks.

"I'm gonna train. And eat...a lot," you say with a smile.

"Well, I think I can help you with both of those things," Dean says, leaning in to kiss you.

 

A few hours later you're in the training room, wearing your sports bra and shorts and getting ready to start in on the punching bag. You went with Sam for his run after your conversation with Dean this morning. You know he definitely ran slower for your sake, and instead of his usual five miles, he had to turn around with you after one because your legs felt like jelly.

You get a few hits in on the bag, noticing how weak your arms are. You keep going, though, because you know it's going to take hard work to get back to where you were. Suddenly, you hear music start behind you. It's Eye of the Tiger. You stop and turn to see Dean laughing, standing at the stereo.

"Oh, you think you're so funny, don't you?" You ask, putting your hands on your hips.

"I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist," he replies, wiping tears from his eyes.

You cock your eyebrow at him and take a few steps in his direction. "Maybe I use you as a punching bag instead..." you say jokingly.

"Hey, doll, whatever it takes to make you happy," he responds, closing the distance between you and putting his hands on your hips.

"Mmm, doesn't take much," you say, brushing your lips lightly over his.

"What do you say we go spend a little alone time?" He asks, backing you towards the door.

"That sounds like a fine idea, Mr. Winchester," you say. Dean reaches down and sweeps you off your feet, carrying you down the hall to your room. He brings you through the threshold, kicking the door shut behind him. He lays you down on your bed and crawls toward you like an animal stalking his prey. You giggle lightly and run your fingers through his hair.

"Oh, I almost forgot!" Dean says, jumping off the bed and running across the hall to his room. When he comes back, he holds out his hand. His eyes are shining like a little kid. You look at his hand and see the necklace he gave you before your first show dangling from it.

"Oh my God, Dean, where did you find it?"

"Well when we started looking for you after Crowley took you, Cas wanted to go to the place you were taken to see if he could feel any hint of power that would tell us where you were. So when we were walking around the grocery store, I saw your necklace on the floor," he explains.

"I'm so glad you found it. I felt weird without it," you reply.

"Not to mention you were being tortured," he adds.

"Well, yeah, there's that too," you say, rolling your eyes at his lame attempt at humor. He takes the necklace from you and returns it to its place around your neck. "Thank you, Dean," you say, leaning in and giving him a kiss. Your lips linger on his, and the kiss becomes deeper. Soon you're laying back on the bed, your bodies writhing together. Your legs are wrapped around Dean, and you feel his hardness against your warm center.

You grasp the edges of your sports bra and pull it over your head. You still feel a little insecure about your body since you know you look like a skeleton. You look to Dean, though, and see the way his eyes roam up and down your body. He looks at you the same way he did before you were captured, and you feel some of your confidence returning. You shimmy off your shorts, leaving you in just your panties. Dean follows suit, taking off his shirt and jeans, never taking his eyes off of you.

Dean lowers himself back on top of you. He gently palms your breasts, squeezing your nipples with the perfect amount of pressure. You tilt your head back and close your eyes, enjoying the pleasure it brings you. You put your hands behind his neck and bring his lips to yours. You kiss him passionately and he slides his hands down, gripping the edge of your panties. In one quick motion he rips them off, leaving you bare before him. He makes his way down your body, leaving a trail of kisses as he goes, then his mouth is on you. His tongue swirls around your clit, giving you pleasure you've never felt before. He puts two fingers inside you, hitting you in just the right spot so pressure starts to build. You gasp and buck your hips, which creates friction against his face. You feel yourself building and you know you're close to coming. You decide to wait, pulling Dean back up to your face. He looks at you with concern, wondering why you stopped.

You flip Dean over onto his back, and mimic his moves, trailing kisses down his torso. His cock twitches against the fabric of his boxers. You take his boxers off him and grasp his hardness in your hands. You move your hands up and down and Dean's head rolls back, a groan escaping his lips. You lean down and take him in your mouth. He's big, so he touches the back of your throat as you take him all the way in. You pump your mouth up and down, and Dean reaches down to grasp the back of your head. You continue, and feel Dean start to twitch again. You know he's close. He pulls your head away and in one quick motion has you on your back again.

"You're incredible," he whispers, bringing his mouth to yours again. "I want to be inside you."

You nod, ready to feel him for the first time. You feel him at your entrance, and he pushes in slowly, keeping his eyes on yours. You feel yourself stretch around him, and he gives you a moment to adjust before he starts moving in and out. It feels amazing, and you feel your eyes roll back and close.

Dean grasps both your hands as he moves in and out slowly. He brings them up above your head, pinning them to the bed. You feel yourself start to panic. You look at Dean, but see the demon that took your virginity instead. Your hands are back in the shackles and you're against the cold stone wall of the chamber. You start to thrash, trying to get him off you. You scream and kick. You hear Dean's voice trying to cut through.

"Y/N, come on sweetheart, look at me. It's me, Dean!"

You open your eyes again and see Dean in front of you, grasping your face in his hands. You feel tears running down your face.

"Dean?"

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I should have known you weren't ready for this," Dean says, beginning to pull away from you.

As you watch him start to retreat, you feel yourself getting angry. This perfect moment is being ruined by Crowley. You grab Dean's arm, pulling him back to you. You flip him over so you've switched positions and you're now on top.

"I won't be a victim anymore," you say with determination. Dean watches you with wonderment in his eyes as you inch down toward his still hard cock. You take him in your hand and guide him to your entrance, sinking down until he is fully inside you.

"Oh, God...Y/N, are you sure?" Dean says through moans of pleasure.

"Shh. I'm sure," you say starting to ride him up and down. You feel him hitting all the right spots as you continue to thrust up and down. Dean's hands reach up and grip your hips, helping you move faster. You feel the wonderful pressure building again, and begin panting and moaning.

"I'm close," You hear Dean say. You are too, and you keep going at the same pace until you're both coming, you yelling out Dean's name as you go. You collapse down on his chest, and he holds you against him as you both try to catch your breath.

"That...was amazing," Dean says.

"Definitely," you respond.

"But are you okay? You freaked out for minute there, and I thought maybe we should stop," Dean says, concern etched in his features.

"Yeah, I'm okay. I think I just needed to take control. When all that stuff happened to me back in that chamber, I had no control over it. But when I took control of us, I was able to enjoy what was happening. I'm not saying I'll always have to be in control of our sex life, but I think this could work for now," you explain.

"Well, darlin', if you wanna be in control, I have no problem with that. It was incredibly sexy," Dean says, bringing you in close for a kiss.

"Mmm well I think me being in control more often could be arranged," you say. You roll over so you're laying next to Dean. He pulls you in close, spooning you.

"I love you, Y/N," he says.

"I love you too, Dean. So much," you say, feeling sated and warm. You feel sleep pulling on you, and snuggle deeper into Dean's embrace. You both fall asleep that way, but wake a few more times in the night for a repeat performance. You wake in the morning with a smile on your face, knowing you've conquered some of your fears and happy to be in Dean's arms.

 


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter. Thanks for reading!! I'm working on my next story and should be posting the first chapter shortly! :)

One year later

You plunge your knife into the demon and it flickers yellow light out of its eyes and mouth as it dies. It drops to the ground and you wipe the blade off on your jacket.

"Okay, you had your fun. That's it now, you got them all," Dean says, walking over to you.

"Does this have to be my last hunt? Surely I could still do a few more..."

"No way, definitely not--"

"Yeah, right, Y/N--"

"No."

Sam, Dean and Maya had all spoken at the same time (Dean's response being the final "no"). You sigh in defeat.

"Fine." But I will get back to hunting, you mark my words!" You say, turning toward the Impala.

"Like we could stop you," Sam says, rolling his eyes. You glance back and give him a glare.

"Y/N," Dean says, catching up to you and turning you around. "You know you can't do this anymore. It's not safe. We gotta look out for our little peanut," He says, placing a hand on your swollen belly.

"I know, Dean, and I want him to be safe too," you say, placing your hand on his. "But four months of no hunting before he gets here? It's gonna be impossible!"

You were five months pregnant. After you had gained weight and gotten all your muscle back you went back to hunting with the boys and Maya. You were good at it, too. Soon after, though, you found out you were pregnant. Luckily for you, Dean was thrilled--like pick you up and spin you around thrilled--even though he was a bit overprotective, which could get annoying at times.

"You're gonna be fine. And you can use the time to focus on singing with Brian and the band," Dean says, helping you into the front seat of the Impala. "And I'll be there with you every step of the way," he says, leaning in and giving you a kiss. You had rejoined the band shortly after you had started hunting again, telling your band mates that you had been gone because you were 'just focusing on your career' for a while. It was vague, but they didn't ask too many questions.

You smile lightly and kiss Dean back, hard. When you release him, he steps back in a slight daze and closes your door. You look in the rear view mirror at Sam and Maya who are laughing at Dean, and you join in laughing with them. As you leave your last hunt for the foreseeable future, your heart feels full, and you know you're safe in the bond of your new and growing family.

  
The End

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first work, so let me know what you think! I'll be posting chapters pretty often as I've actually written a lot of this already.


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